Category Archives: Reviews

Kazuchika Okada: The Star That Almost Wasn’t

Kazuchika_Okada_IWGP_Heavyweight_champion_2016.png

 

There’s this story that floats around sometimes about a booker somewhere during the territory days who is down of his luck. The territory is on it’s ass, his competition is destroying him, and all he has is one lone guy who still draws who is about 40 and is stale as can be. One day, a new talent comes in and he gets the people interested. He makes it all the way to the main event level, and everyone knows that he should be the new champion, but the promoter won’t put him over the aging star. Eventually even the star realizes that this is ridiculous he goes to the promoter and says, “Hey, why won’t you put this guy over?” and the promoter simply says, “He might not draw.”

You see the irony? Even with everything falling to pieces around him, he was still so overcome with the fear of running with something unknown that he let his company sink into oblivion rather than take a chance. The reason this is an enduring story is because this is the mindset held by almost every promoter who has ever run a wrestling promotion. Go with the sure thing, run with it as far and as long as you possibly can, long past when any reasonable person could see that it’s time for a chance, because it’s safe and being trapped without anyone who can actually draw can spell doom for a small company, or a long stretch of miserable business for a big one. This mentality is why WCW sank under the weight of following the NWO, it’s why WWE has yet to find a successor to John Cena in their decade of trying, and it is the reason why New Japan was in the condition that it was in, in the year 2000.

 

Continue reading

WWE Battleground 2017

wwe_battleground_2017_poster_by_sidcena555-dbfb9j1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to a comeback installment by your favorite wrestling reviewing recluse, Cewsh Reviews! This week we’re going to be taking a close look at a show that made me so angry that I had to come out of obscurity just to yell about it, WWE Battleground 2017. But which part so enraged the Cewsh? Was it Shinsuke Nakamura being wasted in a nothing match? Was it it towering shitferno of the Punjabi Prison? Or was it something even more haunting and egregious? Well hell, you guys, if I remember correctly how this goes, then that means there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

 

Continue reading

12 Rounds, Starring John Cena (Classic)

 

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of…hey now, wait a minute, what’s this? 12 Rounds? Isn’t that the John Cena movie? Does that even count as a wrestling review? I don’t know man, I think I may be shocked and appalled at this turn of events. If these thoughts sound familiar because they’re crashing through your brain right now at the speed of toast, don’t worry, we here at Cewsh Review Headquarters have bucked our traditions a little bit to bring you this, but there is a money back guarantee on you liking it. Of course since it is free. Hmm.

Anyway, what we have here is a twofold review. First, we have documented, summarized and reviewed what is obviously the greatest movie of the past year, starring a true American hero (and Vice’s favorite wrestler) John Cena. Second, this will function as a walking (or whatever words do when we’re not looking) advertisement for future wrestling related movie reviews in our Sunday Supplements bonus features. Movies like Santa With Muscles, Santa’s Slay, and even some movies that didn’t involve a wrestler as an ass kicking Santa, as if there could be anything better than that. So kick back, give the newness a try, and if you don’t like it, then I invite you blame John Cena.

We usually do.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking MOVIE review!

P.S. Um, yeah, spoilers ahead.

P.P.S. This is by far our most image and gif heavy review that we’ve ever done. I heartily recommend closing other windows and such while you read it, lest your computer spontaneously combust. You have been warned.

P.P.P.S. This was originally posted in like 2010, so apologies for any dated references. Hope you enjoy!
Continue reading

The Lawcast Ep. 5 – The Bizarre Miracle That Was ECW Barely Legal 1997

Hello cats and kittens, and welcome to the fifth episode of The Lawcast. Since we’re coming to the end of April, The Law and Cewsh are taking a special look back at a show that changed the wrestling industry forever, for better and for worse, ECW Barely Legal 1997. ECW’s first ever PPV had a cast of misfits, a backstory that defies belief, and more a booking structure that makes no goddamn sense. It’s a travesty, it’s a miracle, and there is so much to talk about. Why did Rob Van Dam never leave ECW? What made Sabu vs. Taz so great? And what the hell is Stevie Richards doing in the main event?

Click here to listen!