Royal Rumble 2013

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The Rest of the Card:

-Alberto Del Rio defeated Big Show in a Last Man Standing Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

-Team Hell No defeated Team Rhodes Scholars to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship

-The Rock defeated CM Punk to win the WWE Championship

The Match

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL are on commentary.

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Dolph Ziggler is #1. Chris Jericho makes a surprise return as #2. He’d been gone since losing a “You’re Fired” Match the night after Summerslam to Ziggler. They go back and forth until Cody Rhodes enters #3. It probably would have helped Cody if he had gotten some tights that didn’t look like underoos. Kofi Kingston is #4. Santino is #5. He’s dumped by Rhodes in less than a minute. Drew McIntyre is #6. I had forgotten Three Man Band was a thing, but he was in it.

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#7 is Titus O’Neil. Jericho eliminates McIntyre with a Missile Dropkick. Goldust is #8, making I believe his third surprise return at a Royal Rumble. David Otunga is #9. #10 is Heath Slater. #11 is Sheamus. He eliminates Titus after the Ten Beats of the Bowery. Then Otunga with a Brogue Kick. Tensai is #12. Man, that gimmick was an all-time flop. #13 is Brodus Clay. Cody dumps Goldust, setting up the Wrestlemania match that never happened.

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#14 is Rey Mysterio. #15 is Darren Young. Everyone gangs up on Brodus to eliminate him. Kofi eliminates Tensai with a Body Scissor. Kofi then gets knocked off the apron, lands on Tensai’s back, gets dumped on the announce table. He takes one of the chairs, uses it to bounce his way over to the apron, and then gets back into the ring. Bo Dallas is #16 and it’s really weird to see him as a babyface. Kofi eliminates Darren Young, then eats a Disaster Kick from Cody and is eliminated.

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#17 is The Godfather. He spends forever getting to the ring, immediately gets eliminated by Ziggler, and then heads to the back with his music never stopping. Loved that. They didn’t splurge on the Ho Train this time, only two girls. Wade Barrett, reigning Intercontinental Champion, is #18. John Cena is #19. He gets ganged up on but fights everyone off. He dumps Heath Slater. AAs Cody over the top. Damien Sandow is #20. Barrett kicks Mysterio off the apron. Daniel Bryan is #21.

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Antonio Cesaro, reigning United States Champion, is #22. Great Khali is #23. It’s hard to watch him struggling to walk here. #24 is Kane. #25 is Zack Ryder. Bryan and Kane dump Khali. Then Byan eliminates Kane! That’s pretty awesome. Bryan is knocked into Kane’s arms on the floor. Kane drops him. #26 is Randy Orton. Double Rope Hang DDT on Ziggler and Bo. Ryder gets eliminated by Orton. #27 is Jinder Mahal. Michael Cole plugs Tout. WWE actually bought a piece of that company. That investment didn’t work out.

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Cena dumps Cesaro. #28 is The Miz. He and Cesaro brawl in the aisle. Mahal is eliminated by Sheamus. #29 is Sin Cara, returning from injury. Bo Dallas eliminates Wade Barrett. It’s supposed to be like Maven eliminating Undertaker, but really doesn’t land that way. Barrett comes back in to eliminate him and then knocks him out with the Bull Hammer Elbow. Ryback is #30 and immediately eliminates Sandow. Then Sin Cara with a Gorilla Press. Miz is next to go. Ziggler eliminates Jericho with a Superkick. Jericho lasted 45 minutes.

Ryback eliminates Orton and we’re down to four: Cena, Ryback, Ziggler, and Sheamus. Sheamus eliminates Ziggler with a Brogue Kick. Nearly a 50 minute run for Ziggler. Sheamus goes for a Brogue Kick on Ryback and gets dumped. Down to Ryback and Cena. Cena locks Ryback in the STF. They struggle against the ropes and Cena sort of unceremoniously dumps him.

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Rating: ***. Weaker Rumble. Just not a whole lot that was memorable. Strong performances from Jericho and Ziggler were probably the highlight.

The Aftermath:

Cena challenged The Rock to a rematch for the WWE Championship and won in the main event of Wrestlemania 29.

Jack Swagger won an Elimination Chamber Match for the right to face World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio and was defeated.

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