Royal Rumble 2012

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The Rest of the Card:

-Daniel Bryan defeated Big Show and Mark Henry in a Steel Cage Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

-Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and The Bellas defeated Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Foxx, and Tamina Snuka

-John Cena and Kane fought to a double count out

-Brodus Clay defeated Drew McIntyre

-CM Punk defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain the WWE Championship

The Match

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are our hosts.

The Miz is #1 and I realize Cole was still doing his heel thing at this point. He gets a promo for no particular reason. His former protege Alex Riley is #2. Miz eliminates him in a little over a minute. R-Truth, Miz’s former tag partner, is #3. #4 is the Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes. #5 is Justin Gabriel. #6 is Primo as Miz dumps R-Truth. Mick Foley is #7 and he Back Drops Primo over the top. #8 is Ricardo Rodriguez. He fakes everyone out by coming out to Alberto’s music and driving out in a beater car. Him and Foley combine to eliminate Gabriel.

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#9 is Santino. He wedgies Ricardo and then tosses him. Then we get a Socko/Cobra battle. Epico is #10, he gets tossed by Foley immediately. Cody sneaks up on Foley and Santino and eliminates them both. Kofi Kingston is #11. Jerry Lawler is #12. Yeah, it’s that Rumble where all the announcers are in it. Cole complains he’s taking away a spot from somebody on the roster who deserves it, and he has a point. He lasts less than a minute before Cody dumps him. Ezekiel Jackson, no longer with any semblance of a push, is #13.

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#14 is Jinder Mahal. Roughly as over then as he is now. Great Khali is #15. Brain Chops all around. He tosses Mahal. And Jackson. #16 is Hunico, on his lowrider bicycle driven by Camacho. Was the bicycle supposed to be cool? Or lame? Booker T is #17. Kofi is nearly eliminated by Miz, but lands on his hands than then hand walks over to the steps to get back into the match.

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#18 is Dolph Ziggler. #19 is Jim Duggan. Nice pop as always for Hacksaw. He’s gone in about a minute after being knocked off the apron by Cody. Seemed like they were setting up a Cody vs. Legends thing but it never materialized. Cody sneaks up behind Khali and Booker and eliminates them both. Michael Cole is #20. He takes forever to get undressed and get to the ring. Kharma is #21. Final WWE appearance for her. Cole tries to run away and gets pulled off the apron and eliminated by Lawler and Booker. Kharma his her Pedigree-like finisher on Ziggler, then Back Drops Hunico out of the match. Ziggler sneaks up on her and eliminates her.

Sheamus is #22. Road Dogg is #23. Man, they were heavy on surprise entrants this year. Jey Uso is #24. Jimmy must have been hurt, he’s not in this one. #25 is Jack Swagger. #26 is Wade Barrett. He tosses Road Dogg. David Otunga is #27. #28 is Randy Orton. Big pop for him in his hometown of St. Louis. He comes in hot. Double Rope Hang DDT on Ziggler and Cody. Orton tosses Jey Uso. RKO on Barrett and he’s gone. #29 is Chris Jericho, who had just returned a few weeks prior. No one knew exactly what he was up to as he hadn’t really talked since his return. Here he just heads to the ring and eliminates Otunga.

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#30 is Big Show. Feels like he draws that number every time. He helps Sheamus dump Jack Swagger, then knocks Swagger out on the floor. Show dumps Cody and Miz. Miz lasted like 45 minutes although he didn’t do a whole lot. We’re down to four: Big Show, Jericho, Sheamus, and Orton. Chokeslam on Jericho, RKO on Big Show. Orton dumps Big Show, but then gets eliminated by Jericho. Quickly down to Sheamus and Jericho.

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Long battle between them. Fooled me multiple times when I was watching live thinking it was over. Sheamus blocks the Codebreaker, drops Jericho on the apron, then Brogue Kicks him off to win. That was a pretty big surprise at the time.

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Rating: ***. Okay Rumble. This one was heavy on smoke and mirrors. Look at all the surprise entrants: Foley, Ricardo, Lawler, Booker, Duggan, Cole, Kharma, Road Dogg. But they sort of had to do it that way because they were really thin on starpower in the match. It seemed like Jericho was the clear winner, they went for a swerve and did Sheamus instead. There weren’t a lot of other options.

The Aftermath

Sheamus challenged Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship and beat him in 17 seconds. And Daniel Bryan was never heard from again.

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