Welcome, cats and kittens, to the true red carpet event to end them all, the Cewshie Awards! At the end of each year, we here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute for Higher Learning sit down with a big batch of tapes and a whole lot of alcohol and try valiantly to narrow down the wrestling year into a few choice categories and select winner in each one. It’s never easy, and it especially was difficult this year as 2016 was characterized by a lot of wrestling promotions being good, but not great and the wrestlers in them doing likewise. We tried our best to separate the cream from the crop in categories that celebrate both the top of the top and the bottom of the bottom in this wonderful wrestling world that we call home and we’re proud of all of our winners. Except for the award we gave to Rhino. Cewsh is never going to let us live that one down.
So without any further ado, let’s hand out some motherfucking trophies!
Boys and girls it is with a happy heart and a jump in my step that I happily welcome you to the holiday season. After a year of doom, gloom, sadness, frustration, and failure, (and that’s just TNA,) we have finally reached the most magical moment of the year, the day that brings to us the pinnacle of human happiness and embodies the spirit of giving. And since you’ve already read the title of this article, you know damn well that i’m not talking about some fat guy bringing you wooden toys. I’m talking about goddamn NJPW Wrestle Kingdom, which will air on January 4th for all the good little girls and boys of the world.
“But Cewsh,” you holler into the night, as if I can hear you, “I haven’t really been following New Japan lately, and my friends have never watched New Japan at all! How are we supposed to know what is going on in order to enjoy the show? Should we listen to the English announcers?” To which I would respond that a) you should never, ever, ever listen to the English announcers on a Japanese wrestling show and b) don’t worry about a thing, because together we’re going to run through everything you need to know before clicking play on your pirated copy of the show. No judgement. We’re all sinner here.
So kick back, relax, and get ready to learn how to pronounce some really strange words, (Ingoberanablesbales?) Because we’re here to help!