Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only source on the entire internet for opinions about how good John Cena is at wrestling. It’s been awhile since we brought you into the hallowed halls of the Cewsh Reviews scouting department, but with so much turmoil in WWE at present, and with so many new faces being given tons of screen time of late, it seems like a good time to take a look at just who the fuck these guys are, and whether they have the ability to make a real run at the top with all of this new screen time, or if they’re destined to go the way of Vladimir Kozlov, (sorry Vlad.)
Each week we’ll cover one major roster member, leading us all the way through whoever the fuck debuts after Wrestlemania. We’ll put on our lab coats and googles and put all the biggest players on the current WWE roster under the microscope. Except for the Big Show. We can’t zoom out that far.
WWE World Heavyweight Champion
Gets fan reactions effortlessly
Evolving style makes him somehow better than at his prime
Still a near household name
Limited availability for actual matches
Everyone and their mother knows this is temporary
Cewsh: When I first sat down to write this report, Roman Reigns was the WWE champion and there was a ton I had to say about his ability and character and everything else. But now Triple H is the fucking champion, of all things. So what is Triple H in 2016? Well, he’s cutting by far the best promos of his career, the Authority gimmick fits him like a glove, and the combination of those two things is making him as interesting a character as he has ever been. This is aided in huge part by smarks giving him credit for the NXT generation and actually letting his character breathe for a change, but make no mistake, this is the best he has been outside of the ring.
Inside of the ring, things are a little harder to judge. We haven’t seen much of old man Triple H in real matches, though every serious match that he has had since 2012 has been somewhere between great and incredible, (Sting doesn’t count.) His new focus on NXT has clearly paid dividends in expanding his moveset and giving him fresh ideas to work into matches, and the result has been a net positive. With that said, the man is aging quickly, and it is very unclear whether he could keep up in a match that isn’t overbooked all to hell. He’s in the twilight phase that veterans get to, where your mind is sharper than ever while your body is failing. He’ll be the best he’s ever been until suddenly he falls to pieces and is never the same. Ask the Undertaker.
He’s a great transitional champion and a heat magnet extraordinaire. Let’s just hope he doesn’t push his luck in the ring.
The More You Watch It, The More His Mustache Moves
Cewsh’s Grade: A-
Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
That’ll do it for this Cewsh Scouts entry. Be sure to check back next week where we’ll take a detailed look at Triple H’s Wrestlemania opponent, Roman Reigns!