Monthly Archives: September 2012

WWE Summerslam 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Summerslam 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best wrestling wrestling in the world that remind you of squishy toy balls you played with as a kid, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we officially unveil a new member to our staff going forward. Yes, you’ve known her as Mrs. Cewsh’s Sister and you’ve known her as the Turnip Queen, and now the much more reasonably named Fey will be joining me monthly to review the shenanigans and goings on in the world of WWE. She just started watching wrestling in June, and is here to provide some perspective to us battle hardened smarks as we trudge through the summer slog towards the bright lights of Wrestlemania off in the distance. But there’s no time for wistfullness or grand introductions now! We have a Summerslam to review gosh darn it. Brock Lesnar and Triple H! CM Punk and John Cena and the Big Show! Other things too probably! Let’s not waste any more time stretching this introduction out! On with the show!

So without any further ado let’s do a motherfucking review!

Segment 1 – OPENING VIDEO FEVER!

Cewsh: It seems like a good long while since WWE has really tried anything artful with their opening videos. For the most part it’s been a variation on the “Good guy is happy WHEN SUDDENLY SLOW MOTION COLOR CHANGE BAD THING.” And that works fine, but it doesn’t usually seem like their hearts are in it during the summer months. But here, they actually try to accomplish three separate things with this video. First, they try to make reference to the long and proud history of Summerslam, the second is to get over the whole “biggest party of the summer” concept and the third is to push the Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar match on you like it’s pasta at an Italian grandmother’s house.  All of these are handled pretty well, but it always confuses me what parts of WWE’s long history they choose to reference at a given time. Like, Summerslam is the show that Brock first won the WWE title at when he definitively beat the Rock. That’s pretty fucking significant, and yet no mention of it is made. Or how about the fact that Triple H is undefeated at Summerslam for the last TEN STRAIGHT YEARS, (go ahead, look it up.)

This is an event of significance for both of them even beyond their personal rivalry, and they both have such rich histories and characters to delve into that it’s kind of embarrassing that this feud has been limited to another hokey “hey, this just got personal” brawl. I know that’s Triple H’s bread and butter these days, but in a match that could have monumental kayfabe ramifications, I’m not being given a whole lot of reason to understand why.

Segment 2 – Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Chris Jericho

Cewsh: Ah, the fine standing tradition of Dolph Ziggler opening a PPV. If WWE wanted to give Dolph Ziggler 20 minutes at the start of every PPV they run until the man needs a walker to move, that would be just fine with me, as nobody in wrestling right now is so consistently entertaining in the ring as Ziggler. And that’s a good thing, because the man he’s facing tonight is Chris Jericho, who is coming off what has to be considered a tremendously disappointing comeback, and is about to leave again for the bright lights of fronting the best rock band ever named after a muppet, (that I’m aware of.) Their feud was touched off with Ziggler randomly deciding to call Jericho old and washed up, and with Jericho promptly turning face with one Codebreaker, and after that it was an enjoyable month of a grinning Jericho fucking over Ziggler at every opportunity to significant cheers from fans who always wanted to cheer the man on anyway.

Right from the start of the match, two things are clear:

1. Chris Jericho has lost a step, and Ziggler is running circles around him.
2. That’s doesn’t matter because Dolph Ziggler is a human pinball machine.

Seriously, this match contains Jericho doing his signature spots while Ziggler tries his best to jump into the rafters while landing on his neck on every bump. The effect makes for a faster paced and more entertaining match than Jericho has had in a long time, and Jericho’s overness with the crowd really makes the whole thing a loud and exciting affair. Hell, it even prompts him to bust out some stuff he hasn’t done in quite some time, like a Frankensteiner off the top rope that Jericho has done a million times before, but never to such a big reaction.

Dolph Takes Bigger Bumps Off The Second Rope Than Most People Take Off Of Ladders.

In the end, Jericho pulls out the win to give us a feel good start to the show. As far as openers go, it’s hard to do much better than a match where a beloved fan favorite has a great match with a fantastic heel to a big reaction from the crowd. They didn’t try to do too much, and the fans didn’t burn themselves out. It was juuuuuuuuuust right.


82 out of 100

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval

Fey: And the event begins with the dulcet tones of Vicky’s voice. How lovely. Why doesn’t every show start off like this? Oh wait, most of them do. So our first match is Ziggles versus Jericho. Jericho is dominating early on, despite Vicky’s harpy screeches. Ziggles does manage to pull out some decent offense though.

– I think Ziggles is powered by sparkles. His sparkly panties are powering his moves… And I’ve just spotted a very conveniently placed black stripe in the front. It’s not showing off if you back it up, hm? O.O

– Not only are they sparkly, they’re SNAKESKIN sparkly! Fwahahahahaha.

– So this is the battle of the Sparkly Snakeskin Panties and the Bedazzled Jacket.

– Wait, wait, wait. Sparkles are the herpes of the craft world… aaaand Ziggles is wearing sparkly panties… does that mean Ziggles has craft herpes? He should prolly get that checked out.

– Ziggles taps out to the Walls of Jericho. Bedazzlers are better than sparkles. That’s a valuable life lesson right there.

So, a serious review? You mean, I actually have to do things as a reviewer? *sigh * So Ziggles and Jericho. Jericho is an old vet who’s pretty used to big events and big crowds, and he doesn’t disappoint in this. Ziegler is a talented wrestler who has a lot of charisma in the ring. He and Jercho worked well together and put out a good match, hyping up the crowd and setting a good tone for the rest of the night. And Vicky is, well, Vicky, and she is wonderful at it.

Chris Jericho Over Dolph Ziggler Following The Liontamer.

Segment 3 – A Slim Jim Commercial.

Cewsh: Once upon a time there was an evil pirate named Mustache Moran. Despite his jaunty name he was an evil pirate, who hunted the seven seas for ginger men who he could chop up and turn into ginger ale. Yeah, that is how they make it. Messed up, right? Anyway, Captain Moran was a fearsome looking man, of great infamy, and impeccable fashion sense.

One day, while searching for pale men with red hair to harvest, he stumbled across the jackpot.

A man out paddling a giant swan with his wife. Surely this man should have known how foolhardy it was to be on the water with such a dangerous predator lurking in such those just like him, but his wife talked him into it and indeed, he looks very disgruntled.

As the ship drew nearer, the man finally noticed the black sail unfurled across the sky proclaiming these men as Ginger pirates, and it began to dawn on him just how fucked he was.

He tried to escape his fate by leaping from the swan boat and swimming to shore…

…but he wasn’t a very strong swimmer so they caught him almost immediately.

Once they got him aboard he looked on in terror as they began to use tools of unimaginable horror on him to extract that sweet, sweet ginger ale.

Finally, sapped of all life, he slipped into a deep sleep from which he would never awake.

The pirates sailed away after leaving the man’s dismembered body in the water for the sharks to take care of, and only they and the man’s wife would ever know what happened that day. Well those two and one other person. For you see, HAROLD SAW THE WHOLE THING.

And thus began the horrible downward spiral of Harold life as the trauma drove him to having out of control anger issues that drove away his friends, family and even the love of his life, leading him into anger management classes where he would eventually be relentlessly tortured by a giant red man in a mask and a guy who looks vaguely like a goat. So if you ever feel lonely and frightened in the night, or overcome by an anger borne of horrific tragedy, go down to your local corner market, remember the tragic tale that has unfolded here before you and SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!*

This Jerky Is Haunted By The Cries Of The Damned.

*Note: This may be slightly different from the commercial that actually aired.

Segment 4 – Brock Lesnar Is Angry.

Don’t Move! Brockle Snars Hunt By Motion.

Cewsh: This is the last things solar systems see before they die.

Segment 5 – Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

Cewsh: Hey, here are some words I never thought I’d type 5 years ago: Daniel Bryan and Kane are feuding over a girl. Does any part of that not sound totally, ridiculously insane if you sit back and think about it?

The basic gist of the feud coming into this show is that CM Punk, Kane and Daniel Bryan had spent months being confounded by AJ Lee, as she led them all on a merry chase before finally dumping them all, (including Bryan at the alter,) and skipping her way off to the general managership. When Bryan expressed displeasure at this with his typical lack of restraint, AJ booked him in this match with Kane just to bring the whole thing full circle.

Now, as matches go, both of these guys have certainly had better this year, and will no doubt go on to have other better ones later on as well. But there’s something undeniably fun about seeing a small but technically excellent guy like Bryan wrestle a big brawling crazy person like Kane, especially since the crowd was hot all the way through the match, just like they are whenever Daniel Bryan is around. By the time Bryan shockingly rolls up Kane for the 3 count, everyone has had a good time, the crowd is damn near hoarse from screaming “Yes!” and the groundwork has been definitively laid for what follows after as the two men go to…well, you’ll see.

76 out of 100

Fey: Ooh, Daniel Bryan and Kane. Pretty pyrotechnics! It’s like a gnat fighting a bear.

– Kane’s shoes are untied. Maybe Bryan can tie them together and make him trip. He’s short enough, he’ll just duck and Kane will never see him.

– Kane grabs Daniel Bryan in a choke hold right as Bryan jumps down toward him. That is the epitome of “Yoink”

– TOMBSTONE!

– …dammit.

– Kane is having a hissy fit backstage. He’s stalking Bryan back stage and throwing interviewers around. I think he might be a little bit disappointed with the outcome of that match, don’t you?

Again, both of these guys are good wrestlers. Daniel Bryan is always pretty spot on, and delivers a good match. What he lacks in size, he makes up in maneuverability, and he’s been on a really great streak lately, despite getting distracted by the crowd. Kane is another old veteran who’s used to giving great performances. They both know enough to make each other look good and that’s what matters in a match. It was entertaining and not too forgettable.

Daniel Bryan Over Kane Following A Small Package.

Segment 6 – Josh Matthews. Interviewer Extraordinaire.

Cewsh: We go backstage to where a visibly fuming Kane is stomping around and shouting “WHERE IS HE?!” at the top of his lungs. Despite the fact that an angry Kane has made for really bad days for announcers in the past, (feel free to ask Jim Ross what being on fire was like,) Josh Matthews throws caution to the winds and steps up to ask Kane a few questions. Before he can, though, Kane asks him a question. Specifically regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Daniel Bryan. Matthews says that Bryan left, and…well…that’s not the right answer.

“YOU BELONG OVER…HERE!”

Poor Josh. In a promotion where looking at a referee funny might get you a fine and an on screen GM lecture, Josh Matthews continues to be more commonly abused than anyone on the roster. Is it the hair? Maybe it’s the hair. Get well soon, Josh.

Segment 7 – CM Punk Has A Slight Issue With Authority.

Cewsh: Specifically the part of authority that is, in fact, a 5 foot tall woman with crazy tendencies. Punk stomps around in AJ’s office and demands to hear an explanation as to why he has to face two challenegers tonight. AJ might even have given him one, but Punk cuts her off and suggests that the reason is because he turned her down when she proposed to him on Raw the month before.

“I Would Be Mad, But Those Invisible Cookies You Brought Look Delicious.”

AJ responds by going catatonic, until Punk gets fed up and leaves, which is a tactic that works on everything from spouses to Jehova’s Witnesses.

Segment 8 – WWE Intercontinental Championship – The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio

Cewsh: This match came about because Rey beat the Miz in a random match on Raw one week. Since the Intercontinental Championship is basically just a shiny belt for the guy who jobs the most to the top stars, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t give him a title match for losing instead.

Anyway, I’ll be clear from the jump. This is the Miz’s best match in years, dating back to his match with Bryan for the United States championship back in the days of yore. Since coming back to WWE, after some time off screen, (which WWE is quick to assure us is due to his filming a movie that I have not seen his face in any of the previews for,) Miz has clearly been much more focused, energized, and overall on his game, and the same can be said about Mysterio after his long absence as well. So these guys go in and have a fresh, competitive match with a clean finish that put Miz over big time, and did it with style. I’m kind of at a loss of what to say about matches where things are just this simple and straightforward, because I really don’t get the opportunity to review many of them. The reviewer in me kept waiting for the lights to go out and for Miz to swing out of the ring on a magical rope ladder while his secret twin brother gets pinned by Mysterio. I don’t know if doing these reviews have broken me or what, but I’d be lying if I said that that wouldn’t be totally awesome.

But not nearly as awesome as REY AS BATMAN HOLY SHIT DID YOU THINK I WASN’T GOING TO MENTION IT?

Who’s That Jumping Out The Sky/B-A-T-M-A-N, With A Tan.


80 out of 100

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval

Fey: REY IS BATMAN!!!!!!! I want BatRey to win.

– The Miz was just accosted by balloons that say “Awesome”. Maybe he’s hoping some of their
fluffy white awesomeness will rub off on him?

– Fly, BatRey, Fly!

– I’m not sure you can call a kick from Rey a Big Boot. A nice Mild Boot to the head.

– Aww, poor BatRey.

Rey is always fun to watch. And Miz has really come into his own as a wrestler. He’s become a lot more comfortable and confident in the ring and that shows in his matches. This was an enjoyable, entertaining match, which is what I’m always looking for. I think it was a little forgettable though. Nothing too stunning and stand out, except, of course, for the BatRey costume. A good mid-card event for such a ppv.

The Miz Over Rey Mysterio Following The Skull Crushing Finale.

Segment 9 – WWE World Heavyweight Championship – Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez

Cewsh: NO MORE OF THESE TWO WRESTLING MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING FROM TRYING TO CARE AHHHHHHHHHHH

74 out of 100

Fey: Too many limes!

– This is too one sided for me.

– Sheamus always ends up bleeding. Boy must have skin like paper. He is tenacious though. He takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. …Or something like that.

– Holy crap, Sheamus is a brute.

– Sheamus’s hair is falling down from it’s spiky points, that must mean he’s losing his amazing Irish powers.

– …or not.

– Is this a moral for cheater’s never prosper?

I love Sheamus, but I have to admit I’m getting a little tired of this rivalry. They’re both very good wrestlers, and they have a good amount of chemistry together, but it’s starting to feel a little “Been there done that”. This is Del Rio’s second title match loss against Sheamus. And I hope there isn’t a third. I’d rather see Sheamus being tested by other wrestlers than the same person over and over and over again. Entertainment wise, it was good. They’re both good wrestlers, like I said, they have good chemistry and they work well together. It was an enjoyable match while it was on, but now that it’s over, they need to move on.

Sheamus Over Alberto Del Rio Following The Brogue Kick.

Segment 10 – WWE Tag Team Championships – The Roostahs From Brewstha (Kofi Kingston and R-Truth) (c) vs. The Primetime Players

Cewsh: After being the number one contender for what feels like 8 years, the Primetime Players finally get their opportunity here to win the tag team titles on their first big show as a tag team. Now it wasn’t a great month for the PP gang, (teehee,) as they lost their manager to a deadly condition known as “MadeARapeJokeAndGotFiredItis” and have been kind of rudderless ever since. But the still have their big shot here tonight against a team that is comprised entirely of inoffensive midcarders with nothing better to do. If ever there were a great chance to win a big match in their Summerslam debut and cement themselves as a the foundation of a revitalized tag team division. With the titles around their waists and a great match that people remember buoying them up, they could…

Oh what’s that? They lost? Clean? And the match was only okay and wasn’t particularly memorable in any way? Oh. I see. Um…well hey, there’s always next time, right? Maybe?

70 out of 100

Kofi Kingston and R-Truth over The Primetime Players Because Reasons.

Segment 10 – WWE Heavyweight Championship – CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show

Cewsh: Here we have two different feuds coming to a head. One, (Cena/Show,) has dominated the past few months, while the other, (Cena/Punk,) has not only been raging under the surface for over a year, but is really the backbone feud of the entire WWE. I won’t recount both feuds at length for you here, (because I’m sure you’d like to finish reading this before you look like the guy who drank from the wrong cup in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,) but suffice to say that everybody hates everybody, and the Big Show is an especially big threat coming into this.

From the start of this match, it’s basically a handicap match. Big Show just mercilessly dominates both Punk and Cena for a solid 10 minutes to start the match, and does a tremendous job of looking totally unbeatable. Even when Punk and Cena work together they can’t seem to get any sort of lasting momentum going against the big guy, as he just keeps right on throwing them around like bad decisions on tequila shot night.Eventually Punk and Cena just start whaling away on show with every finisher they have in succession, and after the giant FINALLY hits the ground, Punk locks in a Koji Clutch on show while Cena slaps on the STF, to create a sandwich even the Big Show can’t enjoy.

If You Can’t Find Him, Big Show Is The Bit That Punk’s Testicles Are Resting On.

Big Show finally taps, and both Cena and Punk jump up all excited that they won. Now it makes sense for Punk to be all excited, but Cena has been champion like 30 times. He really ought to know that he just fucked himself over. AJ Lee herself comes skipping to the ring to confirm this, but instead of awarding the match a draw that would allow Punk to retain the title, she goes ahead and restarts the match, leading to both Punk and Cena being chokeslammed half out of their shoes. Somehow Cena gets up and manages a huge Attitude Adjustment to Show, but before he can capitalize on it, Punk shoves him out of the ring, gets the pin for himself, and retains his title. Then he does everything short of hiring a marching band to mock Cena about it.

Best Troll In The World.

I really think that the decision to have Show be the focus of the match and force Punk and Cena to work together was a great idea. Show was the only person in the match guaranteed a full on heel reaction, and having it go this way really made it stand out from all of the other matches these 3 have had with one another. It was on its way to being really great when our old nemesis the Dusty Finish reared its ugly head. After all my years of watching wrestling, I still have yet to ever properly understand the purpose behind this kind of finish. Dusty Rhodes, back in the NWA and Florida days, used to do this to drive people to tune in the the tv show or buy a ticket to the next live show, so at least there’s that, but when you resolve it immediately, all you do is kill the crowd off completely for no reason. The EXACT finish that took place could have easily happened with no Dusty Finish at all. And while it took place in an otherwise fun match, it would be ridiculous to not knock some points off for just how unnecessarily overbooked this was.

78 out of 100

Fey: Big Show Ninja. You really can’t see him.

Wouldn’t This Only Make His Junk Invisible?

– Punk had to stand out by wearing pink. The ring was ALMOST too manly. Thanks, Punk, for saving us from a manly wrestling ring.

– Big Show wants you to hear the power behind his bitch slap. He even makes sure the ring is quiet before he does it. “Shhhhhh, listen to the accoustics here * SLAP* Ahhh, perfecto”

– That is one dangerous butt bump.

– Punk is a very slow learner. You’d think after the first time Show swatted him out of the air like a gnat, he’d get the picture. But nope.

– Show makes little man fly.

– Wait, what? Drama is all fine and whatnot, but you can’t give us two anticlimactic non-finishes in one ppv. That’s just not cool.

I think this was a really good match. It’s sorta strange to see three guys with so much chemistry. I know that Cena and Show are old hat at this and have worked together a lot, but when you have that many people, and that much ego in the ring, you expect that at least one of them won’t be compatible with the other. And yet these three guys worked really well together. And honestly, I think the ending of the match really did work. It provided a really catching “wtf” moment that made all of us watching here stop and stare. The restarting of the match kept it from becoming a non-finish. It worked to me, because it was interesting and different than just a normal pin fall match. Admittedly, that stunt would work a lot better at Raw than at PPV where people are expecting a certain thing for their money. Especially since the fans in the stadium don’t get any commentary to help them understand what’s going on. I think it was effective from a “watching at home” standpoint, but next time, maybe they should save the really big, fan-angering risks for a venue where pissing off their fans isn’t so much of a big deal.

CM Punk Over Everyone Else Following Opportunism.

Segment 11 – The Biggest Waste of Forty Dollars Since Star Wars 3D.

Cewsh: So okay, here’s the deal. Right before our main event, we get treated to the dazzling visage of Fred Durst as he gives us all the middle finger in an inspirational attempt to make us want to remember who he is.

But then, WWE then announces that it’s time for a super amazing concert. So Kevin Rudolf, the recording artist who performed the theme song to tonight’s show, comes out on stage and tries to sing his song while the Divas all line up to dance next to him like music video girls in their first and only appearance of the night. Then Michael Cole joins in the dancing and…and…

Fey: Seriously? Our Divas are relegated to being dancing girls now? Where is the integrity of women wrestlers? This is really an embarrassment to every serious women wrestlers out there in the world.  Stop treating them like their T and A and start treating them like wrestlers. You wouldn’t have Punk or Kane come out and dance like that, so why are you having the girls?. Awful, WWE, awful. It’s really insulting as a female wresting fan.

Not only are you not doing the women wrestlers any justice, you’re not doing any justice to female – or male – fans that want to see legitimate women wrestlers. This isn’t the 90’s anymore, it’s okay to have good female matches instead of dancing girls. It’s not going to chase away fans or make the male wrestlers any less impressive. I think that the men’s matches are really good, but WWE is stunted when it comes to women’s wrestling, and that, to me, brings the whole show down.

In WWE, Equality Means Getting To Stand Near A Fat Guy Pretending To Play A Guitar.

‘Kay, now I’m going to go back to blissfully pretending this segment NEVER happened.

Segment 12 – No Disqualifications – Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

Cewsh: Brock Lesnar has come to tear down all that WWE holds dear.

See, after arriving in WWE to demolish John Cena, (which sort of went according to plan,) Brock Lesnar decided that what he really wanted was the world, chico, and everything in it. He demanded that John Laurenitus give him outlandish contract agreements, included permanently changing the name of Raw to “Monday Night Raw: Starring Brock Lesnar”. Laurenitus, being Laurenitus, agreed to all of it, prompting Triple H to come out later and refuse to honor the ridiculous agreement. This made the Brockle Snar angry, so he reacted in a rational way, by breaking Triple H’s arm and then disappearing for months. But when Triple H recovered, he wanted his goddamned revenge, and called Lesnar out repeatedly, engaging in shouting matches with Paul Heyman, where Heyman threatened just about every lawsuit in the books, (though I guess employees who insult corporate officials AREN’T accountable for lawsuits?). Finally, he bullied Heyman into agreeing to a match at Summerslam between Lesnar and Triple H, and when Triple H attempted to get Shawn Michaels to be in his corner for the match, all that accomplished was getting Michaels completely dismantled in the ring by the hungry Brockle Snar. So now the match is personal and these two are going to go to town on each other, (settle down, fan fiction writers.)

So that’s why this match is personal. But why is this match significant?

Well foremost is the fact that the era of guys like Triple H is coming to an end. A big part of the storyline this year between Triple H and the Undertaker revolved around the idea that these were two legends who were nearing the end of the road and were very much mindful of the end that was hurrying to greet them. These great legends who have defined the past two decades of wrestling history are diminishing before out eyes, and the subtext behind the retirement of both Michaels and Flair and almost the Undertaker as well was that in order for those men to truly realize and come to terms with that, they had to be driven out by force. So now an incredibly dangerous force has arrived in WWE, and Triple H is standing in front of it as he has many times before in circumstances like this. But as the match grew nearer, and as Shawn tried his best to convince his friend of what was already proven to him by the Undertaker, this began to more and more look like an unwinnable challenge. Like the Game Over.

Now, when watching this match, I think it’s important to keep that backstory, and the message it sends, in mind. When you watch these men stand across the ring from each other, you can actually visually see the story spelled out for you. Triple H is wearing his classic old school black tights with little adornment, while Lesnar is tatted up and wearing fight shorts with a goddamn sponsor on them. This is the modern world vs. the old school, and as metaphors go, it doesn’t come much clearer. As the match starts, Triple H comes right at Lesnar, beating him all over the place and making Lesnar look genuinely vulnerable for a little while. This is classic Triple H at his finest, as he out thinks Brock and bludgeons him from all sides. But this only lasts a little while before Brock recovers his momentum and then begins the long, slow dismantling of Triple H.

For the remainder of the match, things progress very similarly to how Brock’s match with John Cena did. Brock just pounds away at Triple H, making it impossible for the older man to get anything going against him. And not only is he dominating him physically, but also mentally. The most impressive thing about the beatdowns that Lesnar gave Cena and gives Triple H here, and the reason they’re so effective, is that Brock is just so incredibly casual about them. No matter what Triple H does, Brock Lesnar brushes it off like a tank in a rain storm. And when he hurts Triple H, he makes it so obvious that he could just end it whenever we wants to, and is just amusing himself before the violent end. Take the bit where he and Triple H are outside by the announce tables and Brock stands the stairs up just so he can leap to the top and deliver some kind of weird flying karate chop for absolutely no reason.

Try And Spot The Point In The Air Where Brock Realizes He Doesn’t Have A Plan For Landing.

This is fun for Brock, and it really drives home exactly how superior and dangerous he is. But with this overconfidence comes opportunity, and Triple H uses his wily veteran instincts to get himself back in the game with a resounding Pedigree. Of course this doesn’t keep Lesnar down, but it at least gives Trips time to breathe. After some more futzing about, Triple H hits ANOTHER Pedigree, and that still isn’t enough. So he goes for one more and Brock responds with what must be the most devastating nut shot in the history of anything ever.

SHOOOOOORYUKEN!

There’s absolutely no recovering from that. Before long, Triple H finds himself in the Keylock with absolutely nowhere to go. He writhes towards the ropes, trying not to let this really be the end here, and Brock goes ahead and does his best to snap his arm out of the socket for him. Finally, completely overmatched in a way he never has been before, Triple H taps out. Brock Lesnar wins, and flaunts his victory all the way to the back. And the last thing we see before the show goes off the air, is a teary eyed Triple H holding his battered arm and apologizing.

As a stand alone match, this was very good, though not quite as good as the match Lesnar had with Cena. Since we’ve already been through the shock of seeing Cena manhandled like it was nothing, that takes something away from seeing it again here, but was nonetheless effective and is still some of the best booking that anybody in wrestling has gotten. It protects Lesnar, makes the matches look like something is really at stake, and leads to an exciting finish. Perhaps the biggest thing to hold against the match is that the crowd is just totally checked out throughout the whole thing, so while the guys in the ring did a great job and told a great story, it came off a bit flat due to the fans sitting on their hands throughout the whole thing. So the match was good, but not great. As a STORYLINE, the match was completely fantastic, and ended in exactly the right way. I don’t know what is next for either of these guys, Triple H especially, but this marked an important moment in WWE history.

It wasn’t a passing of the torch. It was a regicide.


82 out of 100

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval

Fey: I’ve really been looking forward to this. Lesnar is a really good athlete and is capable of a lot of things that I’ve not seen anyone else do ( the F5 anyone?) So I’m really interested in this fight, especially with how much their hyping this up.

– Ooh, the gloves are off now.

– Wow, Lesnar’s face turns a really interesting shade of purple. They should make a Crayola crayon color out of that and title it “Lesnar Pink”. In one of those 100 pack of colors, you know?

– If Cewsh gives him my address, I’ll tell him how much I meant that as a compliment, and how good of an athlete he is and how much I like the F5, and no, I don’t want to see it up close, Mr. Lesnar. …Maybe I should go into the wrestling reviewer’s protection program. Yes it’s a thing. I’m making it a thing.

– Somehow, I don’t think this is working out as Triple H planned it to.

I have few snarky things to say about this, because that was a really good match. I really enjoy watching Lesnar wrestle. He’s really good, and it’s disappointing that he’s not in the WWE any longer. Triple H is always good, he’s a veteran and I’ve got a lot of respect for him too. It was a really good match, and was actually fairly worth the hype they built up for it. It was a good, entertaining match between two talented wrestlers.

Brock Lesnar Over Triple H Following The Kimura Lock.

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Cewsh’s Conclusions:

Cewsh: This was actually a great show in a lot of ways. Half of the matches were worthy of being recommended, even if none of them quite reached past being very good, and the show itself had an air of excitement and possibility around it. The only thing that keeps this from being a better show was another disaster of a musical guest and the completely dead crowd for the main event, (and it’s entirely possible that those two things are connected.) So while WWE may have shot themselves in the foot in the last half hour, and that’s probably what people will remember, this show had an undercard that really stood out. And it’s been some time since I could say that about a WWE show.

Cewsh’s Final Score: 77.71 out of 100
Fey’s Findings:

Fey: All in all, I think this was a really good PPV. While a lot of the matches were a little forgettable in the long run, they were all entertaining to watch at the time, and a few of them even provided some fun twists and unexpected winners. The unpredictability is great to see. While many of them did not provide any closure. (Bryan v Kane, Sheamus v Del Rio, Cena, v Punk v Show) they did, for the most part, advance the story (except Sheamus v Del Rio, which I really think has gone as far as it can go). At the end of the day this is wrestling entertainment, so the most important things are providing entertainment and advancing the story you’re telling. And, of course, good wrestling. I think this show succeeded on pretty much all of these accounts with a few exceptions, so I have to say it was a pretty good show. We’ll have to see what the aftermath brings, but for now, I’m outta here.

Alright, that’ll do it for us this time, boys and girls. We hope you enjoyed one last glimpse of the summerslog as we move into the much more exciting wrestling seasons. But before we’re done looking back, we’re going to tackle the biggest Japanese wrestling event of the year with our coverage of NJPW/AJPW/NOAH All Together 2. Yes, it’s the sequel to the feel good wrestling show of the decade, and all 3 promotions are sending their various badasses out for more dream matches than you can shake a really quite large stick at. There will be fun, fights, and the odds of Hiroshi Tanahashi playing air guitar are exceptionally good. So until then, remember to keep reading and be good to one another.

– Gif credit to Wrestling With Text, who isn’t in business anymore as of this writing, which is a damn shame.