TNA Slammiversary 2011

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TNA Slammiversary 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the Tony award winning Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we celebrate the 8th anniversary of the glorious collection of greatness and failure that can only be categorized by whatever name we’re going with today. Tonight is a special night for TNA, as they officially close the book on the first half of the year, and turn on the jets for the sprint to Bound For Glory in October. As such we have the blow offs (theoretically) to numerous feuds here, and the birth of many more growing right in front of our eyes. Will this show represent all that has been right with TNA for these long years? Will it disappoint horribly as has also been the case? Will it do both, seeking the creamy center of batshittery like only TNA can? Only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!


Segment 1 – OPENING VIDEO FEVER!

Cewsh: Now this is really a tale of two halves.

The first half of this video deals mainly with just showing us the various feuds culminating here tonight, including Angelina Love/Mickie James, AJ Styles/Bully Ray and, of course, Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett. This is all fine and entirely by the book, but its when we get to Ken Anderson vs. Sting that something very interesting starts to happen. I caught myself creeping up closer to the screen while I watched it, as it almost literally sucked me in. Ken Anderson, in his role as a the cocky little fuck head who has mocked and prodded Sting for a month now by imitating him and pissing on everything Sting stands for. Sting, who wants and NEEDS to keep the title simply to keep it out of the hands of Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan, who he knows will bury the company if they ever have complete power. Say what you will about the Stinger, but his motivations and his character at this point are without a doubt the most interesting in TNA as he frays at the edges with the stress of fighting a one man war against Hogan and Bischoff and resorts to covering his victims with blood red paint to send his message.

This is good shit right here, kids. Please don’t let it get fucked up.

Matthew: Sting has been driven insane. Love it. Also love how good Anderson looked as Old Sting. Got me pumped.

 
This May Or May Not Be Matthew.

 
Segment 2 – TNA World Tag Team Championships – Gun Money © vs. The British Invasion.

Cewsh: You may be asking yourself, who is Gun Money? What the hell? What the hell happened to my beer?

Well that’s an excellent question, alcoholic who lives in the dumpster next to 7-11. Allow me to explain.

See, the reason for the different line up tonight, is because Robert Roode recently got injured, and Eric Bischoff, trying to scheme the belts off of Beer Money, insisted that they must defend the belts here at Slammiversary whether Roode is healthy or not, or they’ll otherwise have to forfeit them. They were on the brink of forfeiting when Alex Shelley (who’s Motor City Machine Gun’s partner Chris Sabin is ALSO currently injured) rolled on up and out of mutual respect, volunteered to temporarily take Roode’s place for the title defense. In the weeks that followed, Shelley and Storm struggled to find any chemistry, stepping on each other’s toes constantly, and even accidentally harming one another in the process, making this an uneasy partnership going into this big time title defense.

Despite kayfabe chemistry problems, though, when these guys step in the ring together against the absolutely rock solid British Invasion, they have anything but, as both men combine their respective team’s moves and signature spots to great success as Robert Roode cheers them on from the commentary table. The Invasion are more entertaining bumping machine here than anything else, as Storm and Shelley come up with offensive maneuvers from all over the fucking place, quick as can be. I’d try my best to mention them all, but how the hell do you even talk about Motor City Machine Gun moves anyway? “Okay, in this spot they hit the guy a bunch of times and then run the ropes a bunch and then one guy holds up the other guy’s head so the guy can kick it” doesn’t exactly make me sound like the most eloquent play by play guy since Howard Cossell, but just imagine those moves, and then imagine James Storm doing them in funny and creative ways, and you’ve about got the scope of it. Towards the end of the match, though, another miscommunication spot winds up nearly costing Gun Money the titles as Storm spits the beer directly into Shelley’s eyes, blinding him and causing Shelley to mistakenly (or maybe not, DUN DUN DUN) superkick Storm into oblivion. Somehow they manage to rally though and defeat their rivals in the end, leaving us to wonder what will become of this partnership now that the title defense is done with. Storm may be getting his partner back, but Shelley is none so lucky. Perhaps intrigue abounds?

It must be said that this is just about the perfect opening match to a TNA PPV. You get two faces the fans adore and match them up with two heels that are competent and know what to do to let the babyfaces shine, and then you give us 10 minutes of great and entertaining action with the faces winning. Its textbook, its feel good, and it gave this show exactly the boost it needed right out of the gate. Awesome.


 
81 out of 100.

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval.


Matthew: Christy looking good. Also sounding…. wait it’s on mute, good decision. Out come the British Invasion which I love. Head waggles and accents, does it get better? No. Then you have BEER MONEY come down with Alex Shelley because Bobby Roode is injured, of course.

Wait… Bobby? What the hell is that! Bobby sounds like a dimwitted child, and makes me think of Bobby Hill, whose main offensive weapon was a kick to the crotch and screaming, “THAT’S MY PURSE! I DON’T KNOW YOU!”  Robert sounds sophisticated, and fits a robe-wearing rich man. While Bobby sounds like a man who may come out in a diaper. I mean, Bobby, seriously? I am so enraged right now it is not even cool. IM STILL CALLING HIM ROBERT.

Alright opener here, with the story being that Shelley and Storm are newly teaming and working out some kinks. Some interesting spots with Beer Shelley The Brits are just…. there. With Roode on commentary and the focus on Beer Shelly Inc, they barely get to do anything noteworthy here, which is upsetting because I need some head waggles. Storm spits beer accidentally into Shelley’s eyes, and Shelley then accidentally superkicks Storm. That was their only fuckup as a team, while The Brits had multiple things backfire on them. Something bugged me about that. But it was decent. Pizza.

Gun Money Over The British Invasion Following The Shinarui.

Segment 3 – Scott Steiner.

Cewsh: Scott Steiner. What is best in life?

To win other people’s nicknames in matches, to nail people’s girlfriends and show them what a real man is, and to wear sunglasses at night.

There Should Just Be Whole Shows Dedicated To This.

Is their anything in all the world better than when this man finds someone with a microphone?

Matthew: Scott Steiner calls us all white trash and tell Matt Morgan that he is going to bang his wife. Another day another dollar.


Segment 4 – Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner.

Cewsh: Unfortunately, Scott Steiner is not as entertaining in the ring at this point in his career as he is on the mic, and Matt Morgan has been suffering from a very significant case of “Mypushsucksass” for awhile now, and it may be inoperable. They aren’t really fighting here for any sort of significant reason, and as a result, they don’t really do anything hugely important with their time here.

They have a nice little friendly brawl, and the fans go nuts for Steiner because he’s such an amusing bastard at this point, but there’s nothing here to draw the eye or impassion the mind. It was over before I thought to wonder why it had started.

68 out of 100.

Matthew: 2 BIG HOSSES HERE. IM STRONG. NUH UH IM STRONG. This match exists, that’s about it. I am just glad Scott can still move, and that he does. Every now and then he busts out something wacky, like his frankensteiners and such. In this match he pulls out a VICTORY ROLL.

“I CAN’T CARRY THIS MUCH AWESOME AT ONE TIME.”

Things like that make me wish Scott just goes all X-divison and have promos about doing his FLIPZ and breaking my trailer and banging my wife. Matt Morgan is all like IM STRONGEST and then kicks the shit out of Scott’s face.



Matt Morgan Over Scott Steiner Following The Carbon Footprint.

Segment 5 – J Ha Ha A Ha Ha Double R Ha Ha E Ha Ha Double T.

Cewsh: Jeff Jarrett is backstage with Jeremy Borash and he delivers a promo that is so dripping with crazy that it should be sent to an institute somewhere to study. The gist is that he hates Kurt Angle sooooooooOOOOoOoOoooOoooOoo much that he is going to take away Kurt’s gold medal and even force him to put it around Jeff’s neck at an elaborate ceremony when he wins tonight. Which is pretty humiliating, sure, but perhaps not quite as bad as the time that Chris Benoit stole it, and then wore it cupped gently against his balls for a few weeks.

In fact, come to think of it, why would you even want those now?

Matthew: I have nothing to say here.

Segment 6 – TNA X Division – Abyss © vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian.

Cewsh: Okay, the idea here is that Eric Bischoff got so fed up with these X Division kids that he sent Abyss to take their title and keep it for good, since none of them would be able to beat him. Naturally the X Division guys took this slightly amiss, and they are led by the twin forces of Brian Kendrick (who is batshit insane but has tons of heart) and Frankie Kazarian (who has lots of experience and has a grudge against Abyss). After a few weeks of bandying words, Abyss just out and out challenged both of them to a match at the same time, because he’s hard like that, and that set up this unlikely triple threat match.

First of all, I would like to point out that these guys all have awesome entrance music. That may not seem like a big deal, but entrance music in wrestling seems to have been getting more and more haphazard and uninteresting in recent years, and TNA and Dave Oliver really seem to be nailing it. This includes Abyss’ new more generic music, which isn’t as strictly cool as his old music, but which gives him a really refreshing new tone to his character that is incredibly welcome.

Oh right, the match! Yeah, yeah, it was there, absolutely. See, Kendrick and Kazarian went into this match with the plan to gang up on Abyss, knock him out of the match, and then decide it between one another, so a real X Division guy wins the title back. From the start, this plan works pretty well. Abyss knocks them around like tennis balls at a bored yuppie’s house, but they inevitably dogpile him and put him out to the outside, and then set upon trying to beat each other to win the title before he recovers. Unfortunately for them, this is a more difficult process than they anticipated, and after they lay in some devastating moves on one another, Abyss just pops back in, grabs the pin and saunters off, making them realize that they got outsmarted by a hobo. Not their proudest moment.

This was a good match, and it told a very simple story and progressed it without blowing their wad so early in the show. The backstory here is really strong, and cruiserweight bully storylines will always work for me, just because its so much fun to watch. Add that to the very unexpected career revival of Abyss, and you have a good match here with a lot to be happy about.

Wait, did I just compliment ABYSS?

He’s Like A Really Ugly Puppy Dog. How Can I Be Mean?



74 out of 100.

Matthew: So, the X-division is being held hostage by Abyss here, and not only are Kazarian and Kendrick fighting for their pride and peers, but they are also fighting each other. Abyss has been discussing the ART OF WAR, so his plan here is to divide and conquer. This strategy works when he can wedge that divide in there, but the 2 pretty white boys keep coming back to take him out, which they finally seem to. THEN WHAT DO WE DO. OH YEAH FIGHT EACH OTHER.

Well, while that happens, Abyss probably has a breather and hamburger and then easily divides his 2 foes to win back his XTREME title. THE ART OF WAR, Kendrick, you already read this! Next time I will request a book report when you finish.

Abyss Over Everyone Else Following An Opportunistic Pin.

Segment 7 – Samoa Joe vs. Crimson.

Cewsh: Alright, now this is my shit right here.

Ever since, well, last month I suppose, we have been championing the rise of Crimson as a breath of fresh air and a very interesting thing to behold. But while we’re excited as can be about the rise of Big Red, there is one man who is quite perturbed to see someone with a winning streak of that caliber in his house, and that man’s name is Samoa Joe. So Joe challenged Crimson to a match here, to humble the new kid, and show him who the real undefeated marvel is around here, and Crimson accepted because, seemingly, he didn’t own a tv in 2006.

They get in the ring together, and its like two trains colliding as they immediately start whaling on each other with HARD shots, and the crowd immediately launches into chants of “Joe’s Gonna Kill You”. Crimson gets the upper hand though, and starts working Joe over, with his unorthodox offense. Joe seems stymied that this kid is giving him such a tough time of it, but he gets his wits about him and shuts Crimson down with a nasty Dragon Screw, and starts going after Crimson’s left leg, doing things to it which really shouldn’t be legal in the more civilized countries. Crimson fires back with an Exploder Suplex and a Double Arm DDT which puts Joe back on his heels, but when he goes for the Red Sky, Joe floats over into a NASTY backdrop suplex right on Crimson’s head, and an even nastier lariat, that almost sends Crimson all the way out of the ring.

Double OOF.

Somehow Crimson kicks out, despite that being enough punishment to make Kenta Kobashi say “Nah, I’m good” and now Joe is getting visibly frustrated.

Joe starts abusing Crimson with open hand slaps to the face, but Crimson answers right back with slaps of his own, impressively standing up to Joe, who is finally starting to stop underestimating him. Too late though, as Joe comes charging out of the corner only to have Crimson lift him up into the lights and drop him down with a Red Sky. 1…2…3, the unbeaten streak rolls on.

Crimson has a long uphill road to the main event ahead of him. They’ve handed him an unbeaten streak gimmick an he has monstrous shoes to fill considering the two people who made it work before him. But matches like this, where he takes a huge amount of a abuse and keeps coming, are exactly what is going to make this whole thing work. Taking Joe’s biggest shots and not backing down made Crimson look like an incredibly badass, as did Joe treating it like he couldn’t believe this young kid wouldn’t just fold up and go away. Alternately, this match made Joe look like the steamrolling killbot he has rarely been able to summon of late, and the fans responded immediately to everything that he did. After the match when they shook hands and Joe pulled Crimson in letting him know that there would be a sequel, you could hear the fans stirring.

Awesome.

Keep an eye on this, kids. This could be a big ticket rematch down the road.

This match was successful on every level. Can’t wit to see where Big Red and Big Samoa go from here.


82 out of 100.

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval.

Matthew: Crimson has not been defeated. Samoa Joe was all like, “YEAH BEEN THERE DONE THAT.” Joe isn’t going to let some young punk like CRIMSON outdo him, so Joe has set out to end this streak. So Joe gives the punk a BEATING. Crimson is all like “YEAH OKAY DUDE WHATEVS” and takes what Joe dishes out, and keeps Joe down for the 3 count, after which Joe tells Crimson that they will do this again, while shaking hands. Joe then puts his giant napkin (he’s fat) around his neck and leaves.


Crimson Over Samoa Joe Following The Red Sky.

Segment 8 – Angelina Love Is Catatonic. Which Is To Say, About The Same.

Cewsh: Okay, so the deal with Angelina Love seems to be, according to this promo, that some of the time she is entire a robot under the control of Winter, but other times she is a totally free thinking individual who just now has a brainwashed fondess for Winter. Or maybe she and Winter are really lesbian lovers and sometimes Angelina just does a robot a impression because it gets Winter all hot and bothered? Or maybe Angelina IS a robot, but one that has been designed to look an act like a human, only during interview segments.

CHARISMA!

Or maybe this storyline just blows.

Matthew: Zombie Angelina is backstage and Winter tells her the plans, and tries to give her some pills. Angelina declines.

Borash totally asks Winter for the pills when the camera is off, I heard it.

Segment 9 – TNA Knockouts Championship – Mickie James © vs. Angelina Love.

Cewsh: I’m not going to beat around the bush with you here. This match sucked. It sucked SO BAD.

See, every month, we do this TNA review dealies, and every single month without fail I come and tell you all about how Mickie James is having ridiculously bad matches where she botches all of her moves and is in danger of seriously hurting people, and yet every month, TNA keep rolling her out and giving her ten minutes to try to wrestle her way out of a paper bag. She is never, ever successful, and at this point the paper bag has a Goldbergian winning streak over her, giving us matches that range from “what the fuck is going on here?” to “why would they do this to us?” But here, oh yes here dear reader, they give us both.

Angelina Love comes out to the ring in robot mode again, and Mickie comes down dressed as a cowgirl, which gives me a pitch idea for a movie called Cowboys vs. Robots where all they do is circle each other for a few minutes and then fall down. They set about this script idea with great gusto, and quickly run into a problem. See, in Mickie James matches, Mickie rarely sells and spends most of the match on the offensive. But Angelina Love is a fucking brainwashed robot, so she just straight out no sells every single move done to her. As a result, we have a no sell Mexican standoff that only ends when Mickie James inflicts a move on Angelina which has to be called a DDT, because calling it a “fall down gently on Angelina’s neck” would be too depressingly accurate.

GLaDOS: “Look at you, soaring through the air majestically. Like an eagle… piloting a blimp.”

I’ve tried to be nice. For month’s, I’ve tried to be gentle with my words, and be laid back and hope that Mickie would get better when presented with quality opponents and all, but this is getting out of hand. Every time she goes for her finish, it is a horrifying botch, and every match she has is like a collection of random moves that doesn’t go anywhere. I realize that I am simply a humble reviewer with no wrestling experience of my own, and as such I rarely, if ever, pass judgment on the actual wrestling ability of any wrestler, instead focusing on judging individual performances in terms of their entertainment value. But with that said, I am comfortable making a sweeping generalization here if you will indulge me for a moment.

Mickie James is the worst wrestler working in any major company today. She brings down the credibility of women’s wrestling more than Harvey Whippleman as the champion. Please stop inflicting her on us. Thank you.

This Guy Probably Agrees. He Won A Contest To Time The Matches And Eat Chips. He Seems Cool.

31 out of 100.

Matthew: I would love to describe this match to you, but I am still laughing at Mickie James just kinda gently putting Angelina down with her “DDT”. Then after Mickie wins with that, Winter and Angelina attack her for not tucking her in properly and fluffing her pillow.

“Its Fluff, Fluff, Smooth, Bitch.”
Mickie James Over Angelina Love Following Something Vaguely Resembling A DDT.

Segment 10 – The Wheel of Rape.

Cewsh: Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen, as we have our host Bully Ray here and the TNA roster looking on anxiously as he’s about to spin the WHEEL….OF….RAPE. As you know from being consistent watchers of the show, the way the game is played is Bully Ray will spin the wheel, with the name of every member of the TNA roster on it, and whoever’s name it lands on, Ray will threaten to rape them. Then they will win fabulously fictional cash prizes. So with that said, let’s get our man out here and have him spin that wheel!

Round And Round He Goes, Who He’ll Rape, Nobody Knows.


Segment 11 – Last Man Standing Match – AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray.

Cewsh: …wow.

You may recall from previous reviews, that Bully Ray has been absolutely electric since his incredible performance against Devon earlier this year, and its absolutely true. He has been hitting all the right notes in ever promo and match that he has had since, and has emerged not only as the best heel in TNA, but also as its most consistent singles act. Here, we have the culmination of a feud that dates back to before Lockdown when Ray tried to put Styles out of wrestling at the behest of Immortal only to have AJ come back again and again to ruin Ray’s fun. As such, Ray has come to absolutely hate Styles, viewing him as a symbol of how soft and pathetic the wrestling industry has gotten since his heyday, and that leads directly to this Last Man Standing Match, to prove which one of them really is a man, and which is just a boy.

Now if you ALSO recall any time that we have ever reviewed a match in where AJ Styles gets fucking pissed off, you may also be better prepared for the wild monkey fisted ass kicking that AJ came out of the gate prepared to deliver here, which would put you a few steps of Bully Ray, who takes boots to the head from about 7 different directions at the same time before he even realizes the match has started.

Shown: Bully Ray Getting Kicked By 7 Ninjas At Once.

See, AJ Styles is a weird case. In your average match, he’ll be as stone faced and unemotional as the most skilless spot monkey. But if you get him into a match that becomes an emotional brawl, he summons from somewhere more babyface fire than I have ever seen from any human being that doesn’t walk the King’s Road. He’ll take any punishment, he’ll perform any feat.

Like Flight, For Example.

He’ll sell like death, but fire up to the extent that it gives you goose bumps to watch while begging his opponent to give him his best shot. He is, in those moments, the best babyface we have in wrestling. And up against what Bully Ray is, and with great chemistry between them to boot, this quickly goes from “good match” to “jaw dropping spectacle”.

These guys beat the hell out of each other all over the ring and all over the outside and all over the ramp, until finally AJ Styles sets up Bully Ray on a table and goes to climb the scaffolding. “Oh shit” we say as he gets pretty fucking high. “He’s going to splat Ray!” But then AJ frowns and climbs one rung higher. “Oh fuck” we say. “This is going to be nasty.” Then Styles frowns again and climbs one more rung. “Oh fuckshit” we say. “That’s looking dangerous.” Then Styles’ eyes light up and he spits at Ray and climbs one more rung. “OH CHRIST” we say. “HE’S GOING TO DIE!”

And then he leaps.

Bully Ray gets splatted as thoroughly as possible. But in a last ditch effort, he notices Styles bent over in front of him trying to get up, and by instinct Ray pushes out with his foot, sending Styles stumbling forward and crashing right through the wall in front of him. Both men are down and out, but summoning all the bastardness inside of him, Bully Ray somehow makes it to his feet to win the match, as a defeated Styles lays broken on the ground, outdone by a veteran’s instincts. Ray, for his part, wears a look that is both full of pain, and full of grudging respect for this man that he underestimated, who nearly beat him at his own game through pure heart.

Now That’s A Man Who’s Been Through A Fucking WAR.

This match fucking ruled. Something that I feel like has been missing from wrestling in recent years is matches that are truly emotional. Not just matches where people get beaten up, or ones with a story, but matches where the two performers make you feel something through the strength of their performances. Ray and Devon did it earlier this year, and this match actually topped it. Simply put, if you only watch one TNA match this year to see what the best of the company is for 2011, the discussion starts and stops here. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, proceed directly to this match.

You can thank me later.


91 out of 100.
Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval.


Matthew: This match is fun. You have AJ STYLES, who always brings it. You have Bully Ray, who has been bringing it better than anyone else in the company, HE’S A FREAKING WRECKING MACHINE KID. You mix that up with a decent gimmick like LAST MAN STANDING, and you have a terrific little encounter here. AJ is out to prove to Ray that AJ IS A MAN. He does a headbutt, and sells his own pain on it, because he is a fucking MAN. Being a MAN, he lets Ray DESTROY him with some chops, thus validating him being a MAN. Penis not necessary, just take some chops.

This match flows pretty good and the aggression is built up nicely. Bully gets hit with a chain and bleeds. They fight some more to the top of the ramp, where Bully Ray starts napping on a table while AJ starts climbing up shit to drop the MASSIVE ELBOW from a steel structure. Usually these things are done near padding or something, this wasn’t. AJ just straight up lands the elbow on Bully Ray. While AJ struggles to get up, Bully gives him a quick push in the ass to shove his head through part of the set.

Ow.

There was a little flub here, since AJ was on both feet right before this, but it was still awesome. Awesomely booked I feel. Even the impact zone was pissed at BULLY RAY winning. Why did I like it? Because AJ didn’t come off looking weak at all. Both men come out stronger than when they came in. I call that a win.

Bully Ray Over AJ Styles Following One Helluva A Match.

Segment 12- Why Does Everyone Molest Borash?

Cewsh: He’s going to have one helluva sexual harassment suit to file when he quits this job.

Jeepers, Creepers. Where’d You Get Them Peepers?

In between molesting Jeremy Borash, Ken Anderson talks about how he’s done with the games and trying to get inside of Sting’s head, and now its time to just beat his ass like he promised he would. Also everyone seems to be suggesting that there will be no tricks or shenanigans involved here, which makes the probability of there being shenanigans rise from 98% to 100%.

Segment 13 – TNA World Heavyweight Championship – Sting © vs. Ken Anderson.

Cewsh: The story between these two dates back seemingly forever, though not even to the beginning of this year, if you look at it technically. For months earlier in the year, Rob Van Dam, Ken Anderson and Sting wrestled each other in varying combinations of dull and uninspiring matches. When it became Anderson’s turn to face Sting in a singles match for the title, though, he took an entirely unique approach to it. He began dressing and acting like bleach blonde surfer Sting from the 90s, and wrestling Eric Young dressed up as the Great Muta and bizarre (and awesome) things like that. This pissed Sting off quite a bit, but his focus remained on retaining his title because, as he put it, “Me holding this belt is the only thing standing in the way of Bischoff and Hogan running this place.”

I’m not going to say too much about what happened in the ring here between the opening bell and the finish because, frankly, I don’t want to. Remember how I used the words “dull” and “uninspiring” up there in that last paragraph? Yeah, just apply them in liberal doses here also. But that isn’t the real story anyway. Towards the end of the match Eric Bischoff suspiciously makes his way to ringside to cheer on Anderson, seemingly because he is desperate to get the title off of Sting at any cost. He plays nice until Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop. Then, as the referee counts, Bischoff leans in and slaps the mat, causing the ref to stop the count, but causing Sting to think that the match was over since he wasn’t looking at the ref.

Ref: “It Was Only Two!”
Sting: “I Am A Creepy Old Manclown.”
Eric: “Come at me, bro.”

Sting then promptly walks into a Mic Check and just like that, Ken Anderson is our new World’s Champion.

The Things That Happened Between Them In The Hotel Room Later Are Unspeakable.

The thing about the ending is that if you watch the ref count thing TWO times, then not only do you get it, but it seems like kind of a genius idea. But there’s one problem with that. The crowd can’t watch twice. So what the CROWD saw, was Sting pin Anderson for an audible three count, followed by some confusion and then he suddenly lost a match everyone thought was over. As a result, the crowd suddenly, and promptly dies and stay dead for the rest of the night. So while I can definitely see what they were trying to do, it just wasn’t a good idea for the finish to this match and it wasn’t presented in a way that flattered it.

So let me put this question to you. When was the last time a TNA World Championship match didn’t end like this? Too long.

64 out of 100.

Matthew: Sting wants to keep the title so Hogan and Bischoff can not fucking with his legacy or fire him or whatever he is afraid of, I am not exactly sure. Anderson just wants the title and to have a bit of fun. Sting comes out with his facepaint looking like he just had a tazer part with Jeff Hardy.

Meep!

Match was alright, back and forth usually stuff. finishers and teases. Then ANOTHER flub with the count. Bischoff (at ringside to distract Sting) make an extra count during the ref’s count for a pinfall. This throws off Sting, the ref, and well…. everyone. I think I know what was meant to happen, but am still not sure what actually did happen.

HEY MATTHEW YOU DIDNT REALLY DISCUSS THIS MATCH MUCH. Yeah, you are correct. I like watching these things, and the ‘garbage’ people talk about TNA just makes me laugh. Pro-Wrestling has always been ridiculous to me. But, something slightly irks me when it comes to botched finishes. There have been 3 or 4 here. I would love to remember the great highlights from the match, but the ending FLUBS take me away from the good memories. Stop IRKING ME GUYS.

Ken Anderson Over Sting Following Shenanigans.

Segment 14 – Olympic Gold Medal vs. Number One Contendership Match – Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.

Matthew: FINALLY. THIS FEUD IS ENDING. RIGHT? LET’S HOPE. No Karen (A-1 Ballbuster), no Chyna, no kids, no silly rules. Just Jeff & Kurt. Kurt knows he is better. He has had Jeff beaten and destroyed multiple times, but there has always been something that screws Kurt over. So he has to keep this feud going. Jeff is such a dick. fucking SUVs. I bet this will continue when Kurt GOES GREEN and is filled with anger over Jeff and his petrol pounder.

These guys have a straight up wrestling match, It is pretty fun. I wouldn’t say it is better than their previous encounters, but those were more interesting because Kurt is mental and likes to do crazy shit during matches. This is still good, just nothing mental, which is really good for Angle really, so I do not mind. After some finishers, elevated finishers, submissions, suplexes and a guitar shot, Angle finally reverses the tide, both with the ankle lock he reverses on Jeff, and in the feud with Jarrett helpless, and finally taps out.

YUS!

KURT DID IT. His rival is broken and beaten, finally. That asshole will probably need an ambulance, which isn’t also good with the MPG, that bastard.

Cewsh: I was going to make a big deal out of this match and how it’s the blowoff to the biggest storyline of the year here in the main event of the second biggest TNA show of the year, that finally blows off a storyline that has run since last October, but you know what? They went ahead and had another blowoff match on free tv the very next week, so what’s the point?

Kurt wins.

Woo.

It was good.

75 out of 100.

Kurt Angle Over Jeff Jarrett Following An Ankle Lock.
————————————-
Cewsh’s Conclusion:

Cewsh: Well this was an interesting show. I would have to say that, the women’s match notwithstanding, this was TNA’s strongest PPV effort of the year by a country mile, and the undercard is full of just so many intriguing elements and developing characters. As usual, though, the haphazard main event scene filled by the same shit for months on end regardless of whether its working or not does its best to drag this show back down into the doldrums no matter how hard everyone before them worked to make it special. With the average age of the main events hovering around 41, this is something that may change soon if we’re lucky, but for right now, things are stale, and they need some help.

But let’s not focus on the negatives. The tag division and the X Division both produced in a big way tonight, and Styles and Ray made art in the ring on this night. That shouldn’t be forgotten. TNA is on an upswing, believe it or not. And I haven’t had this much fun watching one of their shows in months.

Cewsh’s Final Score: 70.75 out of 100.
Matthew Memorium:

Matthew: This PPV had some solid wrestling throughout. It looks like some storylines are moving on, and characters are still evolving. The FLUBS that haunted this PPV really did knock it down a peg for me. Just one peg though.

I rate this PPV Vanilla Wafers because they are delicious but i could live without them. I love you guys, bye.

Now Happy America Day, fuckers.

Alright, that’ll do it for us this sunny summer afternoon ladies and gentlemen. We hope you enjoyed us letting the rabid Peach Monster off the leash for awhile, and hopefully you also enjoyed my hopes getting up about TNA again (check back in six months for another crying tantrum about how everything went wrong.) Tomorrow we tackle WWE Capitol Punishment 2011, and in doing so will, at long last, be caught up to the present time and ready to service you as is the custom of our people. So until then, remember to keep reading and be good to one another!

5 thoughts on “TNA Slammiversary 2011

  1. Mr. Craft says:

    that is… unless she ddts em. then all bets are off.

    Like

  2. Mr. Craft says:

    my moneys on toxie.

    Like

  3. Mr. Craft says:

    Well…but…. who would win a match between the toxic avenger and mickie james? thats what I want to know.

    Like

  4. Cewsh says:

    Three things.

    1. Her DDT is botched every single time she performs it. So either she is bad at it or every single female wrestler in WWE or TNA is incapable of performing the move, in which case its her fault for trying to make people do a move they clearly can't.

    2. Everyone is over in the Impact Zone.

    3. Mickie James' last match of notable high quality was at Wrestlemania 22. That was 5 years ago.

    I don't have anything against her personality, and in fact I used to be a fan. But at this point in time she is a scourge on her division, and her matches this year have been disasters.

    Like

  5. Anonymous says:

    Whoa you hate Mickie James. Its weird how she is teh most over female in either company and has been for years! But she sucks and no sells. Ok sure..not sure what you are watching buddy. Most of her matches I have watched in TNA she is usually onthe receiving end most of the time and then makes a comeback. Her jumping DDT botches are usually not her fault. The opponent has to help lift to get maximum elevation.

    Like

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