TNA Destination X 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most widely read wrestling review blog in Heidi Klum’s bedroom, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we make our last stop on our glorious path to WWE Wrestlemania XXVI, as we cover TNA’s Destination X 2010. Now it may be a little unfair to TNA to just go ahead and ASSUME that Wrestlemania will overshadow their offering here, just because it’s Wrestlemania, but let’s not be naive. This show is being main evented by Abyss fighting to protect a ring. This isn’t Showcase of the Immortals stuff here.

But with that said, there’s plenty to be excited about here as TNA rolls out the official PPV of the X Division. We’ve got a ladder match, and Ultimate X match, and even, be still my heart, a SHANNON MOORE match. Some dreams do come true, if you wish hard enough. If you BELIEVE. Aside from that we’ve got Kurt Angle trying to cripple Mr. Anderson, Ric Flair in a wheelchair, and something mysterious going on with Abyss’ clothes. Will TNA put on a show worthy of notice at this crazy time of year? Or will they crash and burn and leave WWE to fill the void will the year’s biggest spectacle? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

Segment 1 – OPENING VIDEO FEVER!

Cewsh: Life is a journey, not a destination….X. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Historical accuracy aside, that is the quote that TNA chose to sum up this show. Now I don’t know about you guys, but right away that says to me that we should be watching a show called TNA Journey X (with a special appearance by Steve Perry!) as destinations are apparently super lame, but hey, they’re the ones with the fancy music and chanting going on, so I’ll charitably ignore that.

To hype us for this show, we get a video all about Abyss. Mr. Anderson takes a crack at getting some time in it, and I think I saw AJ at least once, but this video contains more Abyss than the movie starring Ed Harris. Somehow I think that that is not the way the universe ought to be, but he is in the main event tonight. So let’s wait and see how that goes.

Segment 2 – Number One Contendership For The X Division Championship – Ladder Match – Brian (Pillman) Kendrick vs. The Amazing(ly Tiny) Red vs. (Christopher) Daniels vs. (Suicide) Kazarian.


Cewsh Notes:

– CLUSTERFUUUUUUUUUCK.

– The first thing to point out here is that the crowd chooses something new to chant for every 12 seconds. Whether it be “Kazarian” “Let’s go Daniels” or “We like Pound Cake.”

– Red is absolutely nuts in this match with his agility. Leaping over ladders and doing hurracanranas every which way, he shows that this is the environment that he thrives in and really steals the match.

– Kendrick’s role here is really interesting. He doesn’t really wrestle a high spotty style anymore, and fits here more as the sneaky heel looking to take every advantage. The X Division has never had anybody like him before and I really like it.

– I can’t help but feel like Kazarian is just a little too big to be in the X Division. He could easily make the transition to World title contender, and yet he never really does. He perpetually trapped in between.

– Towards the end everybody starts going NUTS hitting every finisher they have and then everybody no sells said finishers and starts trying to climb the ladder all at once.

– Then Kazarian tries to drop Daniels on his head from the top of the ladder. DAMMIT KAZARIAN stop trying to kill Christopher Daniels! It’s not even subtle anymore!

– Kaz grabs the clipboard with the contract on it and wins the match, making him the number one contender to face either Doug Williams or Shannon Moore. Of course he was ALREADY the number one contender before they decided to give Shannon Moore a PPV match instead of him, which must do wonders for his self esteem.

This match was exactly what it sounds like. There was flying around, there were lots of exciting high spots, and there wasn’t a psychology textbook to be seen. But this is pure TNA right here, giving us a shallow but very enjoyable opener to get us excited for all the deeper stuff to come. It wasn’t the best match of that kind they’ve ever had, but it wasn’t too shabby either.

77 out of 100.

Vice: What to say about this, what to say about this. In short, I’d say that this reminds me a lot of Ms. Cewsh on a drunken weekend escapade. Just good sloppy fun.

Too far?

Yeah. Too far.

Kazarian Over Everyone Else Following Retrieval Of The Contract.

Segment 3 – Ric Flair Is A Crazy Old Man.

Cewsh: In the middle of Tenay and Tazz breaking down the rest of the card, Ric Flair comes rolling out onto the stage in a wheelchair pushed by Desmond Wolfe’s valet Chelsea. He proceeds to tell everyone that he is not a happy camper and then demand that they stop “Wooing” him. Assumedly because he is swooning too much to think straight.

Not Shown: Happy Camper.


Then he says, well, I really have no idea. It goes something like this:

Flair: I am Ric Flair!
Crowd: WOO!
Flair: 16 times the greatest world champion of all time!
Crowd: WOO!
Flair: I have fallen off of cages and been thrown through tables!
Crowd: WOO!
Flair: I’ve never been in a wheelchair! Shut up! You do what I tell you!
Crowd: WOO!
Flair: I came here for action, and I’m not getting any action!
Crowd: WOO!
Flair: YOU DON’T GET IT! ASK YOUR MOTHER!
Crowd: Woo?
Flair: I SAID ASK YOUR MOTHER, KID! YOU’LL RESPECT IT.

The End.

Um, that was informative? I guess we learned an important lesson about how Ric Flair doesn’t get laid except by some TNA fan’s mother. This has been Ramblin’ With Ric. Tune in next month for more installments.

Segment 4 – Abyss Is Being Troubled By Tribbles.

Cewsh: Meanwhile, Abyss is backstage with Hulk Hogan and Hogan is trying to hype Abyss up to stop being such a pantywaist all the time and actually get about the business of beating motherfuckers up. It’s an uphill battle. Abyss stops just short of ordering a custom bidet for the Hulkster before finally agreeing to do his best to ravage AJ Styles tonight. Which is great and all, but the real story is about his clothes. Namely, what the fuck is going on with them.

The Power Of Hulkamania Drastically Increases Your Dry Cleaning Bill.


Vice suggested that maybe it was the power of Hulkamania bursting out through his pants (is that where you keep it? Disturbing), but to me it looks like nothing so much as a bunch of goddamn Tribbles super glued to his leather pants.

Fashion police, anyone?

Segment 5 – TNA Knockouts Championship – Tara(ble At Pretending To Care About This Match) © vs. Daff(ERS!)ney.

Cewsh: Here we have ourselves the ladies contest for the evening, and it’s a doozie if your name happens to rhyme with “Rice”. For the rest of us, this is a feud that has sort of been brewing on the back burner for a few weeks now as Daffers has proven a thorn in Tara’s side all throughout February, finally culminating in Tara giving her a Knockout’s title match just to get her hands on the woman. Naturally Daffney has never show any interest in that belt, but an accessory is an accessory and you can’t turn your nose up at free stuff.

They get started and right from the get go we get Tara kicking Daffers’ ass. Then some more of that. Then a great deal more of it. Then it occurs to me that Daffney doesn’t actually have any offensive maneuvers. I’m not sure how I never noticed this after all this time, but all she does is punch people, get beaten up and scream, and somehow full matches are spun out of this. That includes this match, which is more an exhibition for Tara than an actual competitive contest, right up to her sound victory via a clean pinfall after the Widow’s Peak. Lest you think that was all she wrote, however, as she goes to collect her pet spider Poison after the match, she finds it missing, and in the hands of the Angelina Jolie lookalike (for some reason) Daffney.

No Seriously, The Resemblance Here Is Crazy.


Oh no! I am concerned about the fate of that spider! Especially now that it has touched Daffers, which means instant death for anything mortal at the hands of a certain Viking I know.

At any rate, decent match, not much to it, and it’s clearly leading to Lockdown where these two will get their brawl on. Nothing wrong with that, even if I would have liked a little more here, match wise, to go forward with.

68 out of 100.

Vice: DAFFERS. TARA. DAFFERS. TARA. DAFFERS. TARA.

If only Tara was the psychotic bitch she was back in her WWE run. It’d be my ultimate women’s match. Like.. seriously. Even now, it’s not too shabby. Mainly because it features DAFFERS.

Man I love her. Her post-match stuff was a thing of beauty. I am scared shitless of spiders as many people know, so her holding a spider, even in a cage, is enough to make me terrified.. however, somehow it still got my dick hard. Like.. really really hard. Astronomically hard.

You wonder why Cewsh Reviews is late this week? It’s because it’s taken me a few days to type this match out. I’d type like 5 words, think about the magnificence of it all, and be forced to crank one out.

DAFFERS.

This Would Terrify A Lesser Man.


brb

Tara Over Daffney Following The Widow’s Peak.

Segment 6 – Exit Brutus. Enter Magnus.

Cewsh: We’re backstage with Brutus Magnus who is getting ready for his Global title match with Rob Terry. Magnus first makes it clear that he has dropped the “Brutus” portion from his name and will now be known simply as “Magnus”, making him a prime candidate for that cushy condom sponsorship. Next he tears into Rob terry for having the gall to try to win a match for himself rather than carry Magnus’ luggage around and be his servant. He claims he’ll be kicking his former enforcer’s ass tonight.

I remain highly skeptical. But I’m nervous about poking holes in his argument. Could be dangerous.

Segment 7 – TNA Global Championship – Rob (Built Like A Mack Truck. If Mack Truck’s Took Steroids) Terry © vs. Magnus (Ribbed For Her Pleasure).

Cewsh: Okay, I have a confession to make. Despite the fact that he can’t wrestle very well, and is about as clumsy as a cheerleader in a horror movie, and despite the fact that he looks like Ryan Seacrest after taking the Super Shredder serum, I actually like Rob Terry. I know, I know. He’s a klutz in the ring, but TNA is putting him in short matches where his weaknesses aren’t exposed, and he genuinely seems to be growing as a performer every time I see him. And when his music his and he comes barreling out of the back with a “You’re fucking DEAD, chum” look on his face, I’m all about it.

Now, with that said, this is not a good match. Magnus bumps around for Terry for awhile, making him look like the monster they want him to be, and doing his fantastic chickenshit heel routine, until Big Rob lifts him skyward and cannonballs him down with a NASTY one armed spinebuster which spells the premature end for Mr. Magnus.

As I said, there’s no quality wrestling here. But Rob Terry is a star on the rise, and no mistake. Seeing him now before he blows up is kind of fun, and if nothing else, this match was harmless, clocking in at about 3 minutes. It’s not exactly going to put a strain on your day to watch.

65 out of 100.

Vice: Magnus = awesome.
Terry = gay.

Gay wins. And it’s really gay.

Rob Terry Over Magnus Following The Mate Your Fate.

Segment 8 – Number One Contendership For The TNA World Tag Team Championships – Ultimate X Match – The Motor City (Semi Automatic) Machine Guns vs. The Young Bucks (Rumors Of Them Being Called Generation Me Have Been Greatly Exaggerated).

Cewsh: The Ultimate X match. Possibly the foremost symbol of both TNA and the X Division. This completely original match has been TNA’s hallmark since the good ol’ days in the Asylum, and that has been the case for a reason. These matches have been populated by some of the most incredible stunts, fantastic moves, and jaw dropping bumps that the wrestling industry has ever seen, and they rarely, if ever, failure to deliver (except for that time that Petey Williams successfully prayed for victory). And tonight we get another installment in this hallowed series, as the top two young high flying tag teams, perhaps in all the world, come together to square off for a shot at the winner of Beer Money/Morgandez.

Now I’m not even going to try to keep up with this match. The simple fact is that these four guys are absolutely unbelievable to watch on their own, but when these two teams comes together, something magical happens. They have that rare chemistry that you don’t get very often in wrestling. They mesh perfectly, work silky smooth together, and by the end of this match Generation Me proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are far more than simply a flash in the pan. Vice and I saw them live in ROH not even a year ago when literally nobody but their mother had heard of them. I have the picture to prove it. Now they have officially arrived courtesy of the Machine Guns. The Guns won this match, but I would be hard pressed to find anybody in the world who lost when this match was over.

Simply unbelievable.


85 out of 100.

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval.

Vice: This match was pure greatness. This is the definition of a fun match. Fuck realism. Fuck story. Fuck everything. Just throw two RIDICULOUSLY CRAZY tag teams into a match that involves a set of ropes 15 feet in the air and sit back and enjoy not only wrestling, but LIFE.

Look At This Crazy Shit!


If you can’t enjoy watching a match like this, you’re a very sad person. Seek therapy.

The Motor City Machine Guns Over Generation Me Following Grabbing The X.

Segment 9 – The Band Is HOLY SHIT LOOK AT SCOTT HALL.

Cewsh: Hall and Waltman are backstage in their ring gear, cracking funny jokes and being more effortlessly entertaining than guys who try a million times harder. Waltman does some talking, but it’s hard to focus on that instead of noticing that Scott Hall is mysterious in amazing goddamn shape. I mean, he’s not looking like Rob Terry or anything, but for a 50 year old man that we were all sure was a total fatass these days, he is pretty much shredded. Enough to actually fit into his old NOW ring gear without it being sad. Seriously.

Fuck I Don’t Look That Good Now And I’m Literally Half His Age.


Man, working out with Sid must do wonders.

Segment 10 – Scott (Awesome Again) Hall and Sean (Awesome Finally) Waltman vs. Kevin (Still Awesome) Nash and Eric (Who?) Young.

Cewsh: Jesus Christ, what is Eric Young doing here?

Look, I get that the new management in TNA has elected to push certain people for various reasons, be it D’Angelo Dinero for his wacky charisma, Mr. Anderson for his ready made star power, or Abyss for his monsterness. But what in god’s name is Eric Young doing here in this storyline? You might say that he and Nash have recent history, but that was, what? They teamed up on Hernandez at Bound For Glory and Young screwed over Nash? Watch me quiver with emotion. The simple fact is that Young is miles out of his depth right here, and I honestly think that pushing him in this role is going to backfire into some serious resentment towards Eric down the road.

Now then, down to business. These four get themselves in the ring, and it’s like a blast from the past to see Nash, Hall and Waltman all in their ring gear together. Nash makes Young start the match against Waltman and off we go. Young and Waltman start off fast paced, with Young keeping pace with the much quicker Waltman. They go for a bit, with Waltman’s dirty tactics keeping him ahead, before Waltman tags in the big guy, who promptly tells Eric Young to suck it, before spending some time throwing Young around like a sack of shit. Increasingly this becomes the “Beat the fuck out of Eric Young show” as Waltman and Hall wear him down quickly with their fantastic teamwork. Hmm, mysteriously, Nash hasn’t gotten involved yet…

Young finally fires back up and goes to make the tag to Nash, but the referee doesn’t see the tag so it doesn’t count. While Nash argues with the ref and tries to get into the ring, Waltman grabs a can of spray paint and blasts it full on into Young’s face, blinding him completely. Now the beating only gets worse as Hall and Waltman circle in for the kill, but Young connects with the blind punch and somehow manages to connect on Hall and tag in Nash before escaping to ringside. Oh shit, baby, now IT’S ON.

Except that it’s not.

Nash takes one step towards Hall, then swerves right, grabs Young and Jackknife Powerbombs his ass right in the middle of the ring before dragging Young to the ring apron, propping his lifeless body up, and daintily tagging Young officially into the match, leaving Waltman and Hall to hit an X Factor and a Razor’s Edge, respectively, before mercifully finally pinning the poor guy. Before they’re through, however, Waltman grabs his spray paint and paints the outline of Young’s unconscious body in the mat like a chalk outline of a murder victim.

Pwned.


Then all three casually leave to the strains of the classic Wolfpack theme song. The Wolfpack is back, Jack. God help TNA.

As far as the match itself here goes, it was a lot better than you might expect, and eons better than anyone is going to remember it being, because this match was 100% about the finish. I’m sure blind old grandmothers could tell that Nash was turning on Young, but the way they did it was so effortlessly cool and amazing, with the body outline and all, that it just added so much to the whole angle. God knows, it may even wind up getting Eric Young over after all.

75 out of 100.

Vice: There’s not much to say about the match itself. Clearly Kevin Nash swerves the wrestling world by joining his buddies Hall and Waltman, but this swerve was actually quite meaningful and realistically done. It wasn’t just one of those LOL DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING Russo swerves. This one just made sense. Saw it coming from a mile away, but that doesn’t take away from it at all. Just a wonderfully done angle. Kevin Nash killing Eric, rolling him onto the apron and tagging him in was just amazing heel work. It got a legitimate laugh and smile from me.

The post-match stuff was fucking fantastic. The definition of badass, really. When Pac brought out the spray paint, I was terrified that he was going to spray paint BAND or something stupid onto Eric’s back. But a crime scene outline after murdering the guy with 3 finishing moves in a row? Hell yes.

Hall and Waltman Over Nash and Young Following Shenanigans.

Segment 11 – TNA X Division Championship Match – Doug (Vice Called Him Fat Once) Williams © vs. Shannon (What The Fuck Are You Doing Here?) Moore.

Vice: TNA is just some weird company in this universe that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Like, they can get the most interesting talent in the world and completely ruin them beyond belief. Then they can get boring, awful shitfaces like Doug Williams and not only make me root for him to retain his title, but to have him practically steal the show with his post-match antics? What the hell.

Doug’s stock just SKYROCKETED. People say that it was just begging for someone like RVD or Hardy to run in and attack him, but that would have been fucking stupid. He just got a fantastic new fire under his ass, and the worst thing they could have possibly done was have some flippidydippidycockanus run in and put it all in the shitter for a pop.

By the way, screw Shannon Moore. He’s awful.

Cewsh:

Enough Said.

68 out of 100.

Doug Williams Over Shannon Moore Following Hitting The Fucker In The Face With A Brick.

Segment 12 – TNA World Tag Team Championships – Morgandez vs. Beer Money Ass(ociation).

Cewsh: Now the idea behind this match is that Matt Morgan is turning heel, and everyone is pretending not to notice. On the other hand Beer Money DID turn heel, but nobody has any idea why. Which leaves Hernandez, who remains the only face in this match, and as such gets to portray a complete idiot who can’t see what is directly in front of his face.

The tone for this match is determined right out of the gate as Morgan orders Hernandez to start things, and then just as Hernandez gets on a roll, Morgan tags himself in. Then, when Morgan gets bored, he tags Hernandez back it and looks as bored and unimpressed as possible on the apron as Hernandez tears Beer Money apart. This prompts a crowd chant of “Hernandez! YAY! Morgan! BOO!” And so it goes, with Hernandez doing all the heavy lifting, and Morgan mocking and undermining him at every turn like the absolutely shovelbag that he is. Rather than attack Morgan for being such a fuckass, though, Hernandez continues to fight on, until Beer Money goes for the patented beer spit at him. He ducks it, letting it nail Matt Morgan instead, and nails his crazy swinging powerbomb to grab the unlikely win from Beer Money.

So Morgan and Hernandez are forced to be a tag team for a little longer, though I’d be astonished if they made it all the way to Lockdown before self destructing. This was a fine match for what it was, despite Beer Money looking like some total scrubs to be so easily dealt with under the circumstances, but this was another match that was really more of a prolonged angle. I don’t count off for that, but the intentions are very clear. Story first. Match quality second.

70 out of 100.

Vice: Eh.

Morgandez Over Beer Money Following The Border Swing?

Segment 13 – Kurt (Best In The World) Angle vs. Ken (UNDERATED For The First Time In His Career) Anderson.

Vice: Going back to what I said about TNA making awful people awesome, what the hell happened to Anderson to make him so great? It’s like Doug Williams.

I mean, yeah, TNA kind of blew this angle off on the Impact before this show, so this match really didn’t even need to happen and it seems like it’s only going to continue, but.. this was pretty damn good. Anderson continues to impress me, which I never thought I’d say considering how much he sucked and how overrated he was in WWE.

Also like Doug Williams, Anderson cuts a fucking badass promo after the match is over. It wasn’t the best promo ever by any means, but it was one of the coolest promos I’ve seen in forever. He rolls to the center of the ring, calls down his microphone, and gives a very slow, scary speech while covered in blood.

Jesus. I loved it. And hey, the fact that this feud seems to be going on despite being finished twice, just adds character to Anderson. Just because he’s gotten his ass kicked doesn’t mean it’s over. It’s fairly realistic in a way. I’m curious to see where this all goes.

Cewsh: This match was great, but I have to ask the question. Why is this feud still going? They wrestled as the last PPV to start the feud, and then every week they brawled with one another to an ever rising crescendo. Finally, on the night of TNA’s first official night on Monday Night Warring, Kurt Angle and a bunch of soldiers beat the ever loving shit out of Anderson and the soldiers paraded Kurt around on their shoulders as a conquering hero. …and that wasn’t the blow off. Now we have the following match here and THIS isn’t the blow off either.

Now common sense tells me that they’re trying to keep this going until Lockdown so they can have a bloody cage match, but then why did they spend the whole build for this feud hurrying things up? They’ve had two matches and it feels like 8 because they’ve spent the whole month fighting each other and having definitive winners and losers to those fights. As a result these matches are great but every one feels less interesting and important than the last. Which is a shame, because Kurt Angle is making something special out of Mr. Anderson here, which is shown for true in the bloody, impassioned post match interview with Anderson getting inside of Angle’s head. Nobody every manipulates Kurt Angle. Mr. Anderson is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

I just wish the feud lived up to the performances.


80 out of 100.

Cewsh’s Download Seal of Approval.

Kurt Angle Over Mr. Anderson Following The Anklelock.

Segment 14 – TNA World Heavyweight Championship – AJ (All Juice) Styles © vs. Abyss (Is Apparently Lost).

Cewsh: Firstly, we’re going to ignore that Abyss has the stupidest, most confusing theme music in the history of professional wrestling (scary circus music transitioning into American Made). We’re also going to ignore the godawful feud that led us to this point and featured magical rings, terrible wrestling from old men, and tribbles hot glued to Abyss’ pants. What we WILL focus on is the fact that this match is for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship (they don’t even mention it being for the ring, more proof that they read CEWSH REVIEWS) and the fact that Abyss and AJ Styles have had a bunch of really fantastic matches together. It’s a simple formula. Styles is great at bumping, and flying around, and Abyss is great at impressive looking offense, and selling for small guys. Match made in heaven right here.

This match has three parts to it. In part one, Styles and Abyss go head to head to see who is the better man. This lasts about a minute. Part two involves Ric Flair coming out in his wheelchair to cheer of Styles, and this part contains a fuckton of Styles cheating his ass off and Abyss killing him with huge power moves. Part three of this match is the really interesting one, though, as these two guys have been wrestling for nearly twenty minutes and they start looking for the finish. Abyss nails the Shock Treament, but it’s not enough. Abyss sets Styles up for something off the top rope, but AJ reverses it and sends him crashing to the mat, and then unleashes his absolutely gorgeous Sprial Tap finishing move (an old favorite) where he flies spinning through the air faster than the eye can see before crashing down onto Abyss.

Oooooooh. Ahhhhhhh.


To AJ’s absolute shock, this isn’t enough either. Abyss is still very much alive. Abyss, proving this, nails a sky high Black Hole Slam, but even THIS isn’t enough to end the match.

At this point Ric Flair sprays mace into the eyes of the referee and it is all downhill from there.

Styles low blows Abyss, now that the ref is unconscious, and goes to nail Abyss with the title belt, laying Abyss out like a sack of ugly potatoes. Just as things look bad for Mr. Byss, out comes Hulk Hogan with Earl Hebner to finish the match. Hogan grabs Flair’s wheelchair and tries to wheel him to the back. Meanwhile Hebner gets the match going again, and Abyss decides that it is about time to Hulk Up, literally.

“But I Hit Him With My Fancy Belt!”


He kicks out of AJ’s Springboard 450 death finishers with ease, starts to shake, does to point, the big boot, and then grabs AJ for a chokeslam, slamming him down with such force that AJ GOES THROUGH THE RING.

Where’s The Kaboom?


Now Hogan comes down and tries to give Abyss the title, but Hebner confiscates it, seeing as he had to throw the match out as a result of a disappearing champion. This leads to a lot of confusion as to what the fuck is going on and who won the match and the title, but Abyss and Hogan decide that they don’t care and they pull Flair into the ring to get beaten up. Then Desmond Wolfe sprints down to his rescue, and through a great deal of stumbling and bumbling around, he trips over Flair and falls into the hole right on top of AJ.


Who Left A Crazy Old Man Next To This Big Hole?


And then, finally, Flair himself falls in, sparing us any further Three Stooges interpretations.

“Ah! THAT’S Where I Left My Reading Dragon.”

Look, my feelings on this crazy ending can be summed up like this. It would have made for some fantastic television, but to be on the end of the main event World title match on a PPV? It just didn’t work and it made things incredibly confusing. Perhaps worst of all is that it was actually the climax of what was turning into a really very good match. It was cruising towards Seal of Approval territory. With the finish it had? It’s lucky to sniff it.

76 out of 100.

Vice: Ok, I was actually looking forward to this match quite a bit. Sure it’s a retarded storyline, but this is WRESTLING. People push each other off bridges, run over dogs, rape corpses and pretty much everything else you can think of. So with that said, a mentally challenged monster believing he has the power of the Spartan army because a god of a wrestling icon gave him his ring that seals the deal on his godhood, well, that doesn’t even seem too ridiculous. And heck, on paper that actually sounds really fun.

Abyss is generally not a fantastic worker when he’s not in barbaric matches involving weapons, but he’s ALWAYS had good matches with AJ. They just mesh so goddamn well. Abyss can toss AJ around like a small child, and AJ can fly around and is actually strong enough to credibly fight back. AJ german suplexing Abyss in their Lockdown match a few years ago was a true thing of beauty. Plus, AJ takes the best Black Hole Slam ever.

This match did not disappoint me. It was really fun, and AJ busting out the Spiral Tap was not only awesome, but was smart too. Ok ok ok, I know. “Get to the end, Vice, because that’s where it gets all kinds of stupid”.

You know what though? I absolutely loved the finish. It’s one of my favorite finishes in the past few months. Plenty of PPV title matches have quirky endings. This one just took the groaning non-finish formula, turned it on its ass, and had the most fun they could ever have with it. If you watch this as a critic, yeah, this is a retarded finish. It probably doesn’t help the company at all. It was a ridiculous clusterfuck. It ruined an otherwise good match. But as a fan of wrestling, and watching it as someone who wants to enjoy himself, then fucking hell was this a brilliantly fun ending.

People getting thrown through the ring is always amazing.

The Ring Is Fucking Hungry, Alright?


Crazy old man Flair ranting and raving in his wheelchair was amazing. Hebner’s reactions were amazing. Wolfe being pinballed around the ring only to fall in the hole was amazing. Crazy old man Flair also falling in the hole was amazing.

Ok, the face didn’t end up with the title. He wasn’t going to. So instead of a shitty cliche finish, we got the most absurd thing I could have possibly imagined, and it seriously had me laughing and cheering. That’s right, people. I fucking enjoyed it.

If you hated it, then good for you. I understand.

It’s A Draw, Following Shenanigans.

————————————————————

Cewsh’s Conclusion:


Cewsh: I’m not really sure what to say about this show overall. I mean, on one hand it was the official X Division PPV, and they showed it in the first half of the show, loading it up with exciting matches. But when a show like this has a disappointing main event it tends to drag down the way I feel about the entire second half. So ultimately this will be remembered as a mediocre show with some exciting matches here and there, and that it played hot to an Ultimate X match. Beyond that though? Not exactly Wrestlemania quality stuff going on here.

There were no lows and only one true high. At this point TNA, I expect better than average.

Cewsh’s Final Score: 73.77 out of 100.

Vice’s Verdict:


Vice: Overall this was a fairly fun show. It had a bunch of crap but also a ton of fun stuff. TNA might be falling back into bad habits, but they continue to put on enjoyable PPVs every month. Even if no one buys them.

Vice’s Final Score: 73 out of 100.

Well boys and girls, it’s that Wrestlemania time of year again, and with how late this is going up, Wrestlemania is, in fact, TOMORROW, can you believe it? Now we’ve wrapped up our big time reviews for Cewsh Reviews’ Road to Wrestlemania Month, but that doesn’t mean that that’s all we have in store to get you hyped. Keep an eye out on Sunday Morning for Cewsh Reviews’ Official Preview Guide To Wrestlemania, complete with predictions determined by all three of us in the only way we know how. By utilizing porn, cats and computer programming. It’s going to be a gas, but remember, that’s a Sunday Supplement, available only on the Cewsh Reviews blog. After that, of course, it’s on the Wrestlemania XXVI which is a show that needs no introduction from the likes of me. You know you won’t want to miss it, and we’ll make sure you get no chance to.

Until then, keep reading, boys and girls, and be good to one another. Save travels and Happy Wrestlemania!

Leave Your Message At The Beep

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: